a thoughtful web.
Good ideas and conversation. No ads, no tracking.   Login or Take a Tour!
comment by kleinbl00
kleinbl00  ·  3211 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: America's struggle

Adding:

"I'd never date a black girl" generally means "I don't find any of the black girls currently in front of me attractive enough to risk my self-esteem on them." Dating across races requires a little bit of daring, a little bit of xenophilia. Far easier to say "I do not wish to be rejected by an other that I do not fully understand. Far easier to stick with what I know."

However, it generally means this from people who do not understand that by dismissing someone based on race, they are dismissing that race, not the individual or individuals in front of them. By attempting to spare everyone the personal rejection, they have created the general rejection.

I'll admit it - I've never dated anyone black. Hell - there was one black girl in my entire school district and I wouldn't have dated her if she were white. So in a way, I definitely grew up only eating McDonald's. But hot diggity damn I have been surrounded by stunningly attractive black women.

Just never when I've been single, dammit.

It takes more confidence to not only risk rejection, but risk rejection outside of your typical understanding. I think that the conflation of "taste" and "race" is subconscious and unintentional, and I don't think it's likely to go away.

That is, until all that's left is various shades of mocha.





thenewgreen  ·  3211 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    It takes more confidence to not only risk rejection, but risk rejection outside of your typical understanding.
this is definitely true and something you tend to recognize, unfortunately, later in life. I had a fantastic experience with a wonderful woman that happened to be African American when I was twenty. I grew up in the whitest town you could imagine and prior to me meeting Jessica, because of my experience I wouldn't have thought that I'd be interested in an African American girl. But she was interesting, smart and GORGEOUS and I really liked her a lot. She ended up breaking it off with me but I enjoyed our time together.

Since then, I've had a MUCH more open mind in regards to what is and is not appealing.

Aside from my being a spoken for man, there is LITERALLY not a race, ethnicity or "type" that I would out of hand reject. That's just ridiculous. As Michener says, "The world is my home." -Why would I voluntarily close off any part of it?

_refugee_  ·  3209 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I mean, who says "Sorry I only like vanilla" without at least trying a few other flavors of ice cream?