Look, it's hard to find our way. Also we have varying abilities and differing perceptions. Some kids have a learning disability that makes it hard for them to read situations and learn from their peers. If you are bullied as a kid or a little quirky in elementary school, you might become so defensive that you do not listen to anyone. Your life might be more difficult for you than it could be if you listen to helpful, loving people. So let's be specific. What are "their" opinions about, and perhaps more importantly, how sturdy is your ego? You can try and change to please people, but unless you wholeheartedly agree with the change, you'll revert back to your preferred state anyway. For me, I care very much what other people think about any professional work: my teaching or writing -- because other people are my audience and if I can improve from their feedback, I'll gratefully listen to their ideas. Feedback is a gift. Note: I said "listen" - not necessarily act on their ideas. but because I've been sufficiently loved and appreciated by the world, I can handle varying ideas. I can choose to be with people that seem to care about my feelings. Not everyone has that luxury. What's the situation, ref, that led to this question. Was the accusation aimed at you or someone you care about?
I have been told I care too much about people's opinions by no less than three people in the past few months. I find this ironic because, uh...most people don't seem to think I have this problem. I find it doubly ironic because each person who has told me I cared too much about other people's opinions was trying to make me care about his opinion. Triply ironic because if you tell me I care too much about other people's opinions and then I'm like "OH GOD YOU'RE RIGHT I NEED TO MAKE A CHANGE!" ... aren't I actually just proving you true? I think what may be happening is some people see my "deep interest in the hilarious/nonsensical/stupid/complexities of human interaction" aka yes, I think it's fascinating what people do, what they say and how they treat others, and if I'm involved doubly so, and confusing it for "caring about what these people actually think" instead of "marveling that this what these people actually think." Because last night I was told I was "too aggressive" and "not friendly enough," while simultaneously being told I "cared too much about other people's opinions", which, come on mother fucker, that math just doesn't add up. So basically, I guess people find it boring when I talk about drama, and so decide to accuse me of it being a personal failing.
I soooo hope this bs isn't coming from a certain photographer. Now: Note on how to respond to people. When someone says you are too aggressive, what they mean is they are intimidated by you. When someone says you are not friendly enough, what they mean is that they wish you were warmer to them. When someone says you care too much about other people's opinion's, what they mean is they are worried about you. The thing to remember is that first and foremost, when someone gives you one of those messages, they are talking about themselves, not about you. It might be about you, but mostly it's about their feelings, fears, hopes, and perceptions. If you care about the person and want to be in the conversation there are a number of ways you can get more information before deciding it's about you. I have these on line.