My first post on Hubski...
Have you ever had an epiphany about yourself? Life? What caused you to have it? How has it changed you? Has it changed you for the better or worse?
In about February in 2001 I realized that there was nothing I loved more than women. Not just physically, not just sexually, but emotionally, socially, aesthetically. I deeply, truly, entirely enjoy the company of women, young, old, introvert, extrovert, single, married, straight, lesbian, doesn't matter. Women are much more interesting than men, much more complex, much more fun to look at, much more pleasant to smell, nicer to hug, better to get your hair cut by, you name it. I decided at that moment (in a bar, drinking Midori on the rocks, listening to a Swedish death metal band, as I recall) that I could do a lot worse than strive to surround myself with beautiful women of all stripes in all parts of my life. In March of 2001 I realized that I had been well on my way towards the actualization of this goal prior to meeting my girlfriend at the time, who had pushed every other woman in my life away, leaving me isolated from my closest friends, my most casual acquaintances, even my family. On September 10, 2001, I reached out to a dear female friend she'd pushed away back in 1997. On September 13, 2001, we broke up after four and a half years. More accurately, she dumped me, because she knew I couldn't. I liked her family too much and her family (her sister, her mother, her aunt, her cousin Marisa…) knew that once I was out the door, she'd begin a long and terrible spiral towards oblivion. And on September 14, 2001 I called that friend again and met up with her and her best friend, a girl I'd never been close enough to because of her boyfriend, and unknowingly started down the road of making her my wife. I've had zero women chased away since.
Interesting that you can pinpoint so accurately. I recently broke up with a girlfriend of 4.5 years for a bit of a similar reason, although I can't say precisely when I realized it's what I had to do. Sometime in the last year--in the summer is when it got bad--I realized that what I want out of life is a family of my own. I spend as much time as I can with my niece (an adorable Japanese-American 20 mo old) and it's made me realize that I think I'd be a pretty decent family man, which is odd, because I've never seen myself in that role. In fact, I think I've actively pursued relationships that I knew had no chance of becoming permanent. So, I took stock of my situation, realized that my current girlfriend, whom I lived with, a seriously complicating issue, would make an absolutely terrible wife and mother, so I did what I knew was an inevitability and broke up with her (which I felt terrible about until it came to my attention that she was a huge whore anyway--makes one feel a lot less guilty). It's these kind of tough choices that help make us into stronger people, I think. I'm not used to putting my own feelings above those of others, but at some point, we need to think about ourselves. Breaking up with a person you care about (even if you harbor a lot of resentment and anger under the surface) is about the toughest thing you can do. But for me, it's been the best choice I've made in a very long time.
I am waiting for mine. I feel as if my consciousness holds a gated section that will be broken through, a covered portion that will eventually reveal itself to me. I don't understand myself, but I am learning more as the days pass. I am a person who lives inside his own head. I wish to explore my home and find the additional rooms so that I may invite guests into them; I possess an inherent need to explore myself with company. When I have ventured from the cellar door to the attic's crawlspace, my curiosity will have been appeased.
That was very poetic. I think that being curious is one of the best feelings in life. You may never understand everything about yourself or the world around you, but that shouldn't stop you from trying to learn everything you can.
I'm curious as to why people often attempt to love others before learning to love themselves. I believe that you need to help yourself before you help others in terms of love. If you do not understand the love you give, why would you expect any person in particular to accept it?
This is definitely not what you're asking about, but I'm gonna try to relate it somehow.. I just really wanted to share this story I smoked weed for the first time, and apparently wrote a short story about an orphaned Indian girl on my friend's laptop, which he found the following morning. At the bottom of the story, scroll down two blank pages, I wrote (without spaces for reasons i will never know): "What would it feel like to be a lake?" Now here's the kicker. I hadn't found that line until a month later, the second time I got high, with the same friend. When I read that in the state I was in... If you've ever been high its needless to say I was practically comatose as my brain went 'sploosh!' And everything I perceived about everything changed drastically. Not for any particular reason, of course. As a serious contribution: my character and my perception of everything changed when I read Sophie's World. It was my first run-in with philosophy and I was like 11 when I read it. Now I reread Plato and Camus in French when I'm bored. That book is mighty powerful. Sidenote:feel free to use this tag but a warning to all: if you somehow manage to pull off a repost within this tag... I will facepalm a tunnel through my skull.
Such a simple idea but so hard to put into words. I realized, about four years ago, that the thing I liked most in the world was absorbing knowledge. I wanted to read everything, listen to everything, know everything and understand all of it. I wanted to go everywhere and do everything. The hard to put into words part is what a sea change, a seismic shift that is. My life was, looking back, so boring. So I stopped wasting my time, because we've only got so much of it and this planet and our species really kick ass. And that's truly the only epiphany I've ever had, and the only one I ever need to have. I look around at my peers and just want to shake them until they step out of their little life bubbles and consider new perspectives and places and people. There's a lot of cool stuff in the world and more or less endless possibility to experience it if you're born in America. It's a crime that so few of us take advantage. I'm not feeling especially eloquent tonight unfortunately; it's a good question and I think my answer is very important but I can't do it justice.
Thank you for being such an open minded person. I completely agree with you. I too, love learning about anything and everything and I wish others would realize how much there is to see and do in this world. I hope you get to experience everything that you want to in life because you're someone who will appreciate it.