I tried online dating recently just out of curiosity (didn't go only dates, I just wanted to see if it would jive with me) and I found the experience really off-putting. Really the biggest thing I noticed was the lack of information that you get when you look at someone's profile. I'm already a pretty picky person when it comes to dating, and I found that the whole process brought out the worst of that. Beside wanting more information about people (which I'll admit involved a bit of sleuthing) I found that I started judging people on the tiniest things, how their profile picture was taken, the way they wrote their bio, etc. And when I stepped back I thought to myself "Man, I'm dismissing people one really tiny things, and if I met them in irl I would at least consider them for a few days". I can't say anything certain, and of course all of this is anecdotal, but I wonder if this is where the dismissal of black women comes from. Because there is so little to go on, you start inferring all of this other stuff from stereotypes, cultural context, where they are from and anything else that might be a clue into their personality. Personally I hate that I started thinking that way.
How many dates did your online dating experience produce? I'm curious, because a lot of people say they try online dating, but in reality they were just curious, made an account, and kicked some tires and never dated anyone. It sounds like you didn't go on any dates, but not exactly sure what you meant by "didn't go only dates". Story time: I consider myself a decent looking guy (Posted my pic on here before, feel free to judge me harshly http://hubski.com/pub?id=112344), fairly fit, and on paper I'm fairly successful. I had no problems getting dates in the real world, but I did an online dating stint one summer on kind of a whim, and because meeting girls at the bar never lasted more than a few nights, and I'm not one to date women at work. Plus I work for an IT company, so 99% of my co-workers are white bearded men. I was 29 at the time, so I wasn't as surrounded by girls my age as I used to be. It became a lot harder to meet single women my age, as many were married and had kids, or weren't hanging out at the places I did. I got dates and laid quite a bit, but nothing lasting, and that's what I was looking for. Figured maybe with online dating sites I would at least know a little about them before going into it. Right? I went on 12 first dates from online dating sites, mostly from Match, a couple from OKC. What I noticed, personally, was that all of the horror stories seemed to not be true. I didn't have anyone show up who used fake pictures, everyone was, for the most part, pretty fun, smart, good looking, and successful, and it was overall a very good experience. I went out with mostly white girls, as I'm a white guy myself, but had 3 different dates with Asian girls, one I actually dated for a few weeks, and I did go out with a black girl a few times, who messaged me first. All of the girls turned out to be more attractive than their pictures, and I got along with all of them better than expected. There's a lot more detail in a profile then you'd get by simply gazing across a bar at someone in a club, so I think the mind tends to start making up excuses to not want to go out with someone. "Eww they like THAT band?", "OMG they think that cowboy hat in that picture is cool?", "They work retail?" etc. It was easy to let the mind start dismissing people so easily. I took a very open-minded approach, "If they are good looking, and don't have any MAJOR deal breakers for me, I'd go on a date with them." Major deal breakers being has kids, live with parents, or doesn't have a job. That was honestly about it. Honestly, it was a really fun experience, and it was all good times that I'll always remember. And without rambling any further or getting into any more details, the 12th girl I went on a date with, about 3 years ago, turned out pretty well. We got married last month and I couldn't be happier. And I used to be one of those "online dating must be for desperate losers" type people. Now I myself am one of those online dating marriage statistics, and so are a few of my friends. Go figure! TL;DR: If you give people a chance, and put all pre-judgements aside, you'll be surprised how much they can impress you.I found that I started judging people on the tiniest things, how their profile picture was taken, the way they wrote their bio, etc. And when I stepped back I thought to myself "Man, I'm dismissing people one really tiny things, and if I met them in irl I would at least consider them for a few days".
Hmm. I know that the human brain tends to try to pull information from context and without much to go on, I could see what you're describing happening quite easily. As for stereotypes, from what I've read and from my own experience, white Americans (and non-white Americans) tend to treat Asians a bit differently than Latinos and blacks. For most interactions, I'm generally treated as white unless culture comes into it, presumably because Asian cultures seem so different than the U.S. experience.