I love the actual work I do, but the performance reviews, as you highlight at spot number one--no accident I'm sure--are a ceaseless exercise in mind numbing stupidity. Whom do they help? I would submit to them if I thought they served a purpose other than to remind each worker that the company views each of us more as livestock than individuals, a way to let us know they can drop us at any time so stay the fuck in line.
My boss doesn't do performance reviews on me, and the ones I do for the people below me are pretty much "You know your shit, you know what you do for this team, I'm gonna try to get you a raise". He just gives me all "5s" or whatever and BSes it and turns them in in the HR software site. Then I just pretty much use it as an opportunity to ask for a raise and bonus every year. That's about it. In a previous job where it was taken seriously, when I got "exceeds expectations" across the board, I was like "So that means I get a big raise then right?" Wrong. I turned in my two weeks notice... ohhhh and now they had that raise I wanted... It's all bullshit. I hate when it was taken seriously. I mean I get it, but if people aren't doing their jobs they get let go, if they are doing okay they stay, if they exceed expectations to the point where we can't let them go they get more money. It's really that simple. It's just bloated HR departments justifying their existence.