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comment by Saydrah

You seem remarkably unwilling to admit that men can be at fault in their own problems. I don't think I'm the one whose nerves were touched here...

And yes, in the situation of being "friend-zoned," women--who typically have more readily available sexual options than men--tend to blame the individual, while men blame the entire gender. This isn't because men are bad people, it's because that's what happens in the real world for a whole variety of reasons that you're not willing to accept as remotely valid unless they're "because women are at fault for men being angry at them."





kleinbl00  ·  4343 days ago  ·  link  ·  
This comment has been deleted.
Saydrah  ·  4343 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Strawman again, you know perfectly well that I like men just fine, including you, despite our massive areas of contention on gender and relationships. Humans are pigs and men are human, and in this particular situation, some men behave piggishly. There are other situations where men, in the aggregate, tend to behave well and women behave piggishly; I mentioned one.

The fact of the matter is that enough people who are involved in dating of the "social media generation" are assholes that it has become impossible to be female and use any online dating site without encountering profanity, vitriol, and even threats simply for not being interested in someone--often someone you've never met--sexually. If you don't believe me, make a female profile, ignore all incoming messages, and count how long it takes for no response whatsoever to make someone so angry they blast you and call you a stuck-up bitch or something of that sort for not replying to them. You don't have to take any positive action whatsoever to engage the wrath of a "Nice Guy." You just have to NOT be lining up to have sex with him.

These are a small number of men and a small percentage of men. Most men are not like them. Unfortunately, these few men, who are NOT nice at all but are convinced that they are, are so extremely vocal about how nice they are and what bitches women are for hating them for their alleged niceness that they are dominating the discourse about online dating. Not because there are so many of them, but because those there are happen to be incredibly prolific, vocal, and entitled, to such a degree that they put people off platonic opposite-sex friendships entirely and put people off online dating entirely.

I genuinely do understand that it is obnoxious as fuck to keep hearing the same criticisms over and over of your gender. I feel that way about some legitimate complaints about groups I'm a part of, specifically women and white people. To that extent, I sympathize with your feelings, and I'm even getting a little sick of the thing where every feminist blogger and every sex blogger has to have a "nice guys aren't nice" post. I like this one because it's balanced. It's neither apologizing for creepy douchebags nor stating that they're bad people--you're inferring that. It states that they're at fault for their problems, because they are. Being at fault in one's own problems does not a bad person make, it makes an at-fault person who has the capacity to change their behavior and thereby solve their own problem.

ETA: I suppose this discussion is over considering that KB chose to respond with a two-word email: "Fuck Off."

i_am_minthe  ·  4342 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Honestly I'm disapointed because i felt kleinbloo was THE person to debate you, when you two debated i felt like i learned something, both of you are intelligent, with good points respectively.

Now that the posts are deleted i feel like something is lost in the discussion really. And although you counter-pointed his points, i don't feel like he was wrong per se, but i can respect that it takes a lot of time to dissect part by part when discussing such things.

It was highly interesting, and thought provoking, and all around awesome, but alas, i respect his decision to withdraw, but I can't help but feel discussions like these add to my intelligence nonetheless.

Anyways good debate. Cheers on that, because thats what i came to hubski for (thought provoking debates) discussions such as this one. Either way i'm subscribed to both of you and hope to see more debate in the future etc etc. :D