So.. That conversation (If I'm Hubski-ing correctly) has borne some ugly fruit. My manager pressed one too many buttons and I swore at her. It was fleeting, I tried to leave the situation initially, but she followed and pressed the point. Cue a meeting with her later that day where I hoped she would apologize, give me a chance to apologize, and we'd continue on as normal. Nope. She went straight into HR, policies, my reputation. It became a battle of "Who has the most to lose" in as polite-but-passive-aggressive terms as possible. I explained why I was so wound up, and she avoided apologizing but did suggest she had misread the situation. Essentially she always comments on my appearance in a negative way, and as I'm the only male in her staff I often feel a bit attacked. She realized that HR would 100% back me in this situation and suddenly there was no mention of performance management etc. Since then we've had another meeting where she was glowing with praise and encouraging me to look at opportunities elsewhere in the organization. I played along, if it means she'll give me a good reference I'm happy to take it and run. Turns out she has a.. difficult.. reputation trailing behind her; so I'm confident that if push came to shove, my reputation isn't tarnished by her thinking poorly of me. I'd just be another person who "crossed" her, in the eyes of other people. So the hunt begins for a new role, got a few interviews lined up within the area. On the plus side - my groups DnD campaign is picking back up, and I've been writing for the past.. 6 months? 80k words into one big project, and completed lots of smaller projects. Even if they never see the light of day, I've had so much fun creating them.
I would prioritize this lateral move above all else. Execute as quickly as possible. You are currently a problem she needs to solve. You will become an enemy she needs to destroy faster than you think. As soon as she's had time to figure out how to skunk you with minimal blowback to yourself, she'll do it. You getting out from under her in as prompt a manner as possible will burnish your reputation and harm hers; you're going to want to be in a position to give two weeks' notice as quickly as possible because she'll reject it if she can. The clock is ticking down and your peril increases.
I agree - I've got one potential lateral move, and one potential promotion being discussed (without her knowledge). She would likely help me get into a lateral position, but I want to do it quickly and give her less time to influence things. Your point about me being a problem is spot on, I am 100% an issue for her and I need to go smoothly and quickly. I'm doing my job, my team likes me, the peripheral team likes me, and she is burning bridges at a rapid rate but she has operational oversight in the area and upper management (like everywhere) loathes admitting they made a mistake in appointing someone. So not only does she have a good deal of power, the group above her don't want to weigh in too heavily because of the questions that will be asked.