TOMATOES ARE GROWING.

Little green fellas just hanging out.

Am proud.

Joining my 3rd DnD campaign this Sunday. A friend had been running a small group through over the course of the year. It was strictly in person, and they're all in Australia. But with the DM moving cities, they opted to go online. Once online, the DM invited me to join. I get to dust off an old character, very excited.

Oh awesome!! I haven't seen them live but I have no doubt they'd be fantastic. Love me some homegrown music.

My top artists on Spotify for 2023.

1: Hozier

2: Sea Power

3: Lorn

4: The Beths

5: Aesop Rock

Sounds about right.

The joys of enjoying my job and leaving a shitty environment are still being realised. This weekend just past I did so much yardwork. Hedges trimmed, weeds whacked, lawns mowed, veggies maintained. Then my partner and I went out on a wee date to an art exhibition at Tūhura, our local museum. My partner is a big fan of this artist's work. I didn't know much about them but said artist's Instagram handle is 'Flesh_Dozer' so.. I was curious at the very least.

Anyway it was good fun, and even on Sunday night after the yardwork and the date and the socialising, I found myself still with energy to burn. I don't recall ever feeling this full of life. I hope it continues for a while yet.

Whoever mentioned 100 Gecs on here at some point, I must thank you. Going through a small binge on their work atm.

Quatrarius? Maybe?

Oh those are great names. Being next to each other I'm surprised you didn't launch into fisticuffs to determine the real winner.

I came across this article yesterday after hearing that the CEO mentioned has officially resigned. I don't know any of the people, but the words "toxic culture" will always have me interested.

Reading through it I had to stop, send it to my colleague and ask "Is this what we dealt with?" regarding our former manager. Examples:

"One senior leader described having a meeting with George, where they made crucial decisions about an upcoming project, only to be sent an email summary 30 minutes later that wasn’t representative of the things the pair had agreed upon.

“That’s a typical example of behaviours of, say one thing, formally write down another,” he said.

Yep.

Another person said they experienced similar confusing behaviour.

“She’d say, ‘I want you to do A, B and C, please’. And so you do it, then the next week she’d go, ‘No, no, no. I ask for D, E and F’.”

Oh yep.

Another person spoke about having “meetings before meetings” to figure out “how to not get attacked” or to get something over the line.

It's like I was there.

In my previous role, we had to manage up to such an extent we'd convince our manager that any idea was hers. We'd plant the right seeds at the right time so she'd come to the same conclusion we came to months earlier, and only then she'd allow something to happen. Fuck, we became some manipulative people. Turning up 20 minutes early to meetings, to plan how to approach the entire conversation - and it was just a weekly check-in!

She finished up last week, I got invited to the leaving drinks and it'd be weirder to not turn up. So I was there with my former colleagues and I could see the tension start to ease as she made her farewell speech; knowing she'd not be back in the office the next day.

Anyway they're picking up the pieces and seeing if people are willing to return. People like myself. But I can't. I enjoy my new job too much and also fuck that noise - not even for the money they'd offer. Eyes forward and all that.

I finally got a copy of House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski. Looking forward to tucking into it.

I love these posts Lil! I'll answer them all because they're good questions and I'm greedy.

1. Think of something about (the place where you grew up; your family; your school) that gave you your sense of the world and your place in it?

My parents treatment of my brother. He has a bleeding disorder that should probably have claimed his life over the years. A combination of the NZ healthcare system and my parents ensured he's still here today, 35 years young. I grew up the middle child, and with my older brother constantly hospitalised, my sister and I were effectively raised by nannies/carers, I'm not going to claim there wasn't any childhood resentment, but I learned quickly that this was an example I could aspire to. To just look after people. The healthcare system never charged us much, for any of the visits, surgeries, medication (maybe a $5 co-payment for prescriptions?). It was covered by the tax payer, and so I'm happy seeing my tax going towards people who need it. My parents did all they could, and they told me years down the line they felt more comfortable than they expected, focusing on their oldest child - because for whatever reason my sister and I accepted the need for this hierarchy of attention. The odd fight and tantrum, but for the most part we knew he needed more than we did.

I like to think that's carried on. I'm doing well, comparatively, so when other people need and get something I don't, I'd rather give than take.

2. Are you an open book? If so who’s your best reader. If there’s 100 pages, what page are they on?

Now more than ever. My partner reads me the best - I couldn't tell you what page she's on but I can tell you she's writing the rest of the story with me.

3. What have you learned recently about your family that wasn’t the story you told yourself?

That we are as dysfunctional as any other.

4. What important lesson did an earlier romantic relationship teach you that helps you in your current marriage?

To enjoy the little things. A previous relationship had me seeking every major thing in life, she wanted to chase big things and I had to want them as well. It burnt us both out, and my current relationship we call a solid afternoon of gardening together a good outing.

5. What is one thing you remember from all your changes in the last 10 years that made you feel vulnerable (beyond your comfort zone) or felt a little challenging.

This one is hard. I need to consider it more!

6. Are you carrying any resentment that you could let go of if you thought about it. Would it be a benefit?

Absolutely. Tiny things people have done that irked me over the years. Sometimes at night when I struggle to sleep, my brain helpfully cycles through these small encounters until I'm angry again. I will be working on letting go of things. Clinging to them does me a disservice and grants them too much time in my head. I doubt they've ever thought of me again!

7. What are some questions you have about your life now that you’d like answered in the next year.

Can I develop the courage to send any of my writing pieces off to an agent? Will my current vegetables be a bumper crop? Equal importance, now that I have them side by side..

8. What is an experience of success that you still feel good about?

Leaving my depressing and stressful office management job, to enter an IT realm where I feel 100x better about myself and my work.

9. What is your road not taken?

Oooh too many. I don't focus on it though. They're just different iterations of me. But I'm the one that's here and now, and I like it.

10. What idea or attitude did you once believe that you later discovered was false?

I once held quite nasty thoughts about the queer community in general. I've long since changed from that, but I don't forget that I was once an absolute shithead for zero reason. I consider myself a staunch ally, and thanks to the behaviour of the past I know what crap to call out when I see it.

11. When you realize that everything is made up -all religions, nations, patriarchy, democracy, etc are ideas made up by people, what then do you believe?

Just here for the ride. To enjoy what I can, with whoever I can, and hopefully leave a small segment of the world better for having me in it.

12. What does an equal relationship mean to you?

When we add to each other. I don't think a relationship will ever be equal in a percentage sense, because we're never at exactly the same levels. But her success is my success, and vice versa.

Welp NZ lost the Rugby World Cup final to South Africa. 12-11, what a match. The poor South African fans have won the last three matches by 1 point and I suspect their hearts can't take anymore. There are plenty of bitter pundits taking to online forums to discuss referee decisions but to me the simple fact is, New Zealand left points on the field. You can't do that in finals footy. A better team will make you pay, and South Africa were the better team.

I think I've hit a new era of my life. Normally I attend the annual Beer Festival in Dunedin. I've attended pretty much each one since 2015 - but this year.. I just sold my ticket. I couldn't be bothered navigating through hordes of increasingly drunk people. I'd much rather tinker in the garden or spend time with a closer-knit group of friends. I think I've just begun leaning towards more intimate settings over a stadium full of booze.

Only took me like 15 years to properly ignore the allure of many, many beers, but here we are!

A Hubski flask!

Rugby World Cup final this weekend. NZ vs South Africa - the old foe. The winner will lift the Cup for a record 4th time, though NZ have undergone quite the redemption arc. 12 months ago NZ had lost a home series to Ireland (first time that's happened) a first home loss to Argentina, as well as record points loss against South Africa. Looking back even further, the last four years have felt like the swansong of the dominant era of NZ rugby. First loss to Ireland, first loss to Argentina. England in the 2019 World Cup dismantled NZ so thoroughly I think the psychic damage is still being felt. I'd never seen a team unstitch us so effectively.

The coach and the captain were on the chopping block, but in the space of a year they've turned it around. They nearly put 100 points past Italy, toppled No. 1 Ireland, breezed past a fiesty Argentina and will now face the big dogs in the final.

Uhh yeah. Rugby rah rah.

Two months into Spring aaand it's snowing outside my office window. Fingers crossed it starts to settle and my boss tells me to go home, I'll start the weekend early.

Tomatos? In. Chilies? In. Pumpkin? In. Will Pumpkin or chilies grow in southern NZ? Dunno, let's find out.

Cucumbers? Going in next.

I was sent to a course this week, covering ITIL. That was some dry fuckin' content. Passed the exam comfortably, but wow... I spent three days trying to keep my eyes open.

NZ held off the strongest Irish rugby team in history to go through to the Semi-Finals of the World Cup. I had money on Ireland winning, they were looking imperious and had been the last 2 years. But somehow we fended them off. I really feel for Ireland. They've made it to the quarter-finals in all but one World Cup, and every time they get beaten. This was the best equipped they'd ever been but the curse remains.

I'm going in to town to watch the Semi tomorrow morning 8am kick off for us. Bars are open, though I'm unsure if I want to start my day with a beer. The garden calls to me, afterall.

It happened - I finally got Covid. Aches, shakes, brain fog, coughing and spluttering. By all accounts it was a very mild case. I see how it wrecked the more unlucky people. Two days of flu-like symptoms, a further seven days of congestion.

Back at work now, it passed quickly once the peak was hit - but the brain fog remains. As well as the running out of energy immediately. Weightlifting 4-5 times a week? Oh no no, now you struggle to get the rubbish bins in. It's coming right though. Plus side, my employer has Covid leave baked into the system, everyone is allowed up to 10 days a year before dipping into your sick or annual leave. It's certainly nice to have it up my sleeve.

It's two weeks out from the NZ election and this year has been one of the more tiresome campaigns. Lots of shit people lying to everyone. I'm gonna cast my vote as progressively as I can and hope enough people feel the same. I suspect we will have a shift in government though, from 'left' to 'right'. It won't impact me directly, not a huge amount, but the people that I'm trying to protect with my vote will be all the more vulnerable.