I really liked Cyberpunk. I was excited for it, enough so that I played it day one. Then after a few hours I'd hop on Discord with the homies and we'd talk about the experience so far.

All of us being on PC? Minimal performance issues. The odd person t-posing in poignant scenes, but the game itself was interesting enough that I could laugh about it and move on. I played the shit out of it, easily cruising past my very rudimentary metric of "$1 per hour of gametime = okay".

--The method falls apart when you look at it too closely, as I have about 300 hours in Battlefield 2042 but I've not enjoyed much of it (just a game a certain group of friends play and I want to play with them), Outer Wilds took me about 20 hours, and cost me $40. So it failed that metric but obliterated everything else. It's not a great metric and I should find a better one.--

Anyway yeah I thoroughly enjoyed Cyberpunk for what it was. I went with the female V because I thought her voice actor sounded more natural, and I got to have the incredibly wholesome romance option with Judy as a result.

Horizon Zero Dawn came with my PS4 when I bought it in 2017, I didn't know much about it but popped it in. The first or second datapoint I found in game, was labelled "Haere Mai". Detailing the NZ attempt to bring Kiwis back to a rejuvinated NZ following the collapse, and the PM at the time of the datapoint was Maori. That tiny little bit of info kept me intrigued about the wider lore, and I had a blast playing through the whole game even though NZ was never mentioned again.

Which reminds me I need to play the second Horizon game. I'm allowing myself to buy a PS5 when my student loan goes bye-bye, so that'll be on the... horizon. Heh. Heh heh.

I finished the video game Disco Elysium in the last half of 2022. I haven't gone back to replay it, but it's been stuck in my head ever since. The music, the art, the story, the voices.

I love my video games, I see them as an artform. I adore a game that alters me in some way, making me view things differently. In 2020 I was lucky enough to play Outer Wilds, went in blind and unaware of what I was about to experience. I was treated to an audible, visual and narrative feast I didn't think I'd experience again, till Disco Elysium knocked on my door.

Outer Wilds was initially a nihilistic gut punch that ended with hope and optimism, beauty and splendor. The inevitable heat death of the universe has nothing on this little melody I uncovered, piece by piece. Come, sit around the final campfire.

Disco Elysium waged emotional warfare on my psyche, asking me some deep fucking questions and demanding I face the unpleasant answers that arose. I'm not happy with how I handle some things. I'm not happy with how I cope. At times I've been a shit, arrogant, dismissive, selfish and cold. At the end of a week of playing, unravelling the story in the evenings, I simply wanted to be a better person. I saw how the creators of this game teased hope for the future out of a miserable existence. Not that I'm miserable, but I saw myself reflected in many, many of the events that unfolded. In the regrets the main character expressed. In the ways he chose to hide from those regrets.

When I'm feeling stressed, or down, my mind invariably casts out to something I read/heard in that game, puts it into my current context, and helps me deal with it. Some of the songs from the OST are in my Spotify 'On Repeat' playlist. I'm quietly, subtly being nudged and inspired by artwork, to try and do better each time.

Gotta love it.

Likewise on the 'no-covid' front. I've worked in and around our city's hospital the last three years, I have been close to people who had it at the time but I've never tested positive despite rigorous testing. I also assume I've had it at some point. I'd hate to have passed it onto people unknowingly, but I always took precautions at least.

When I went to Melbourne last year, I noticed people were further along the "we're just over it now" train, compared to NZ. People on the trams didn't seem to bother masking up. We did, but mainly out of habit and also at the time we had to have a negative test 24 hours before our flight, or we would have to stay in Aus a while longer.

The second I stopped caring about dating/relationships I met my now partner of 6 years. Not saying I hope you get blindsided by the 18 wheeler of love, but it does tend to happen when you cast your eyes elsewhere!

6 years with my partner last week. Unfortunately coincided with the passing of our cat, but we went out for dinner this week. Then got ice cream and drove to the beach at night, listened to the waves hammer the shore. Upside of living on an island, you're never far from a beach. Downside of living on an island during a climate crisis, eventually the beach comes to you..

Work is on a hiring freeze thanks to yet another fucking review being 'executed'. So our usual manager team of 6 is down to 4, about to be 3, with no proper replacements on the horizon because people want stability in these wild and wacky times. My own team of 7 is working fine, but I know the stress signs. By the time the review is done, we'll be down a few more. Nothing I can do except advocate for my group, and hope the powers that be aim for a functional business, rather than cut more staff to save miniscule costs.

While I was on leave during March, my remaining colleagues met with HR and explained the ongoing issues with my boss. So now her boss, and HR know the full extent. Nothing is happening yet, as they want to talk to me as well. I'm the sole male colleague and they want to know if I've been getting any different treatment.

Building a tunnel house for my garden, a neighbor in our cul de sac showed me her absolutely stunning setup, four tunnel houses, home made compost bins, every plant under the sun is flourishing. So I'm gonna become best pals with the retirees in our street cause fuck they can garden. Growing kumera/sweet potato down south is supposed to be nightmarish but she showed me her collection and now I want in on this.

Writing is going well, starting the editing of the first big project, and writing a second one. It's fun. I never set any daily goal, but I tend to write about 1-2k words each session regardless, and plan a little for the next session. Current story is a sci-fi tale focusing on a weedy logistics administrator accidentally assigned to a warship full of angry soldiers. They launch into various battles and he's along for the ride. It's dumb. But it's fun dumb.

The gaming crew has settled back into Destiny 2. I argued. I didn't want to go down that route again. But it is fun with friends, the gunplay is smooth and I get to be a bit of a menace and let off steam. Currently also playing through that Star Wars: Fallen Order. I heard it was a buggy mess at launch, but it runs well on my PC. I've never been a huge Star Wars fan, so I'm going in with pretty open eyes about the whole thing. So far it's been fine.

Under $1,000 to go on my student loan. Then that's an automatic payrise.. .That I will chuck directly at my mortgage.

Is there specific terminology for the style he talks/writes with? It's fucking astounding he can get a point across. That was legit one run-on sentence until "Protest", but he rubbed against so many topics getting to it.

On the sex/relationship struggle. I feel you. My partner and I have wildly different drives, mine being lower, hers being much higher. She'd happily have sex every night or so, I'm happy with once a week or so. It took some good conversations to get that sorted, because there was the inevitable "Don't you find me attractive?" query, coupled with my personal, and irritating, combination of being very tactile, but not hugely sexual. I like it when she touches me or I touch her, but I don't often have it leading into anything. I just like contact. Rubbing my back is a guaranteed way to win an argument with me, cause I'll just doze right off. She however saw it as an initiation, and so when I stop the contact or start a conversation, she felt it was a rejection.

We compromised, essentially, with her being okay if some times just we focused on her, and other times I'd be in the mood too.

We had some lengthy talks about it, and unfortunately I don't have any advice you haven't already considered, I can only offer understanding. It's much better now, but I know without a doubt she felt similarly towards me, as you do to him. Sick of the rejection, knowing it's not personal but still hurting anyway, thinking about it when we're doing something else.

My partner got diagnosed fairly recently, and found the medication has worked wonders. She's a different person. Essentially who she always felt she could be.

I'm really happy for you, I hope this freedom enables you to do great/er things :)

We put our cat to sleep this week.

I actually introduced him to Hubski when we first got him - lil Elvis.

The last two weeks his health declined quite rapidly, we knew he had kidney disease, and we knew it would be the thing that got him in the end no matter what we did. A month ago he was very active, happy as can be, and this week he would only sit on us and purr softly. He was slow to turn to anything that got his attention, and he'd stumble when he walked. He was eating almost nothing, drinking water all the time and most obviously, no longer cleaning himself. He just wasn't enjoying life, and we knew the time had come.

We arranged for our vet to do a home visit to put him to sleep. The last thing we wanted was for him to be scared in his last moments. The vet arrived, took one look at him and said "Yeah, he's ready to go." One jab to put him into a restful coma, another jab to let him rest properly. All up it took about 15 minutes. My partner and I cried the whole time. We're having him cremated, and will plant a tree for him out the back. We've been meaning to get some fruit trees going. I've still got his collar. We have hundreds of photos of him. I took a little recording of him purring the night before he passed. He still sounded like a V8.

I just miss him. He was our best bud. An incredibly calm, delightfully friendly cat who came into his own once we rescued him. We can sleep with the bedroom door closed now, but we don't. We can leave glasses of water around the lounge now, but we don't. We can leave the backdoor open when doing chores, but we don't. It'll take time to adjust, I think.

It hurt to watch him go, but we gave him the last gift we could. He got to go sleeping, in his favourite person's arms (my partner) and without a worry.

As far as he's concerned, he's still sleeping. He'll wake up when he's ready.

Penderyn has been on my "to try" list for a while. Our local bottle-o stocks it, alongside an impressive range overall. I have avoided that store because an acquaintance worked there, and he's essentially modeled his entire personality off Trump. The one time I braved it while was working a shift, he told me I was looking fat, weak, and that it must be that woman of mine messing with my masculinity. I was the lightest I've ever been, the strongest I've ever been, but I suppose my partner had certainly thrown my understanding of masculinity under the bus. Though I'm quite pleased with the results.

Anyway, I snuck in there recently to get a bottle of spiced rum I'm keen on mixing with coke, and turns out he was let go about 4 months back. Something about abusing his boss (a woman) and customers (also women).

Penderyn here I come!

3 years in, I still haven't had it (apparently) and I still do not fucking want to.

Was the stunt Ardbeg, Ardcore? If so, I also didn't think much of it when I tried it over the weekend. Enough so that I didn't include it in the notes. A damning result, that.

Oh man Laphroaig was my introduction to peated whisky. I have a 10 year and a triple wood (bit of extra kick) variety. Big fan! I keep an Ardbeg and a Laphroaig in the cupboard for visiting family/friends who like the smoke. Have you tried Caol Ila? I have a 12yr bottle and it is scrumptious, just a little different to the others. Less smoke, a little smoother, but all the components are still there.

One I have never tried, but want to, is Lagavulin. I hear good things.

The down side of this love of whisky, it's expensive. The plus side is, I don't really drink that often. I bust out a bottle for an occasion/visitors, but rarely more than one dram.

I definitely found some improvements when I gave less of a shit. Seeing the dates as something standalone, rather than something that might, possibly, could one day build to something. If it continues to more dates, yay! If not, the date did what it said on the box. Nice work!

This weekend past I travelled up the island to do two things:

1) Attend Dramfest the NZ whisky festival

2) Go to the screening of Back to the Future, accompanied by the Christchurch Symphony Orchestra.

So uh, trip report? I guess?

I travelled up with my friend and his father. My friend and I would be sharing a hotel room. No biggie at all.

Until the snoring began. It was like 3 rusty chainsaws spinning around the room. I've had broken bones I'd welcome back with open arms if it meant distracting me from that clarion call from hell.

4am I wound up in the hotel lobby, working on my next story because, why not try and be productive? 6am I ventured out into the early morning breeze to find some food, and when I got back at 7am, my friends father was in the lobby browsing his phone for breakfast options. He saw my face and knew immediately. He opened with "He's fucking loud, isn't he?" with considerable sympathy. The day kicked off quite well, the whiskies were set to be poured at 1pm, so we went shopping. Walked into a store that sold rolexes because my friend is really into them, got talking to the staff there. At first we got some odd looks because he is covered head to toe in tattoos and wearing the shirt of a black metal band he likes, while I was wearing rugby shorts and looked entirely beffudled by the items on sale.

Anyway we got talking to one of the staff there. He noticed my accent in particular, a Southland accent, where the "r" is rolled aggressively. Work becomes "Worrrrrrk". He asked why we were up and we explained, the whisky! He stood from his table, disappeared for a moment and emerged with a bottle of Kavalan, a Taiwanese whisky I'd never heard of let alone tried. So at 10am we had started drinking. We never bought anything, he just poured a few drinks and talked to us about what we wanted to try. Turns out all the rolexes are so far on back order and my friend would be waiting 6 months to a year to get what he was after. I've no idea if that's accurate, but we got drinks out of it and went on our way.

I visited Scorpio books, because it's an amazing book store with a huge variety. Picked up a couple I'll chuck into the next bookski thread that crops up.

1pm rolled round. The line to get into the convention went a few blocks, but the staff were very efficient and we basically walked non-stop to the front once the line began to move.

--

Whisky. I took notes in a wee book they provided, and my chicken scratches read as follows:

- Glenfarclas 12 years:

'Tasty, why so famous?'

- Cadrona Full flight:

'Fucking excellent. Going back for more.'

'$275 for a 500ml bottle. Unsure if feasible. Will try again.'

- Glenturrent peat smoked, 10 years:

'The name has the word Turret, so I had to try. Not great, but not awful. Mellow compared to my usual peated faves'

- Ardbeg, Uigeadail:

'The GOAT. Like being punched in the face by a campfire.'

- Kavalan classic:

'Tasty. Hints of drinking at 10am in a rolex store.'

- Starward Nova:

'Made in Melbourne. Very sweet, welcoming. Could offer this to a few people. Or hoard it for myself.'

- Teeling Blackpitts:

'Not bad. Weak smoky flavour, would like more. Ardbeg revisit?'

- Famous Grouse:

'Lol'

- Buffalo Trace Stagg JR:

'Strong, a little overpowering. Oh it's 64%. That'll do it.'

- Glenfiddich Project XX:

'Tasty, about what I expected'

At that point I had tried my fill, and knowing I had to attend the BTTF orchestra that night, headed off to meet my brother for an early dinner. We went to a beer garden, in the upstairs section of the nearby market place (seriously, hotel, convention, marketplace and BTTF all within about 500m of each other, it was amazing). Pizza, beer to cleanse the palate, and we were off!

--

Back to the Future.

It was awesome. There was a model DeLorean in the foyer, I touched the wing door that was open. Soooo many people dressed as Marty McFly. Jeans, sneaker, the life-preserver. So many dorks thinking they're gonna drown! The orchestra were absolutely killing it, all the music was spot on. The conductor, at the beginning, encouraged us to clap, cheer and laugh whenever we felt like it. They seemed to be having such a blast performing.

During this show, my friend messaged me asking if I could stay at my brothers rather than the hotel room. He had hit it off with a girl and wanted to take her back to the room. I'm sure he felt bad about asking, but I was ecstatic. "Absolutely" I replied, and after the show I gathered my things to have a proper nights sleep. The next day, rather than being disheveled and angry, I woke at 10am, helped my brother setup his lounge for the upcoming UFC fights (He's a huge fan, I just like the sudden and insistent advertising drops by the commentators. "This round bought to you by Toyo Tyr-OH MY GOD WITH THE GUILLOTINE!"). Watched fights, wrote some more, had many snacks. Just had a lazy day. Eventually I had to drive down south though, so I was taken back to the hotel, met with my friend who unfortunately had not been successful in his venture. He was feeling quite bad now that he was sober, sans girl and also sans his friend. But I didn't mind. Not one bit. Plus I got to hang with my 8 month old nephew, who has the most kissable cheeks you ever did see.

So yeah, good trip. Lotta whisky. Lotta music.

As possibly the only resident powerlifter here.. I say "Yes let them lift", with a sprinkle of "It's tricky". When it comes to team/contact sports, I understand (on paper) the need for division. Rugby: When I was in high school, the girls 1st XV (18 years old) challenged the boys 1st XV to a friendly match. The girls team were back to back regional champs, and had competed in the national comp, narrowly losing the final. They were extremely good, and a number of them have since gone on to play professionally. The teachers and coaches of both teams, said "No". So the girls challenged the 2nd XV (still 18 years, but less good) and again, were told "No."

They made their way down to the Under 15s side (14/15 years old) and they were met with a reluctant "Allright". Come match day, what would have been a 70 minute game of two 35 minute halves, was called off at half time as the boys side racked up 50 points and battered their opponents. It wasn't even close to a competition, and the boys side was reluctant throughout, opting to just attack the gaps and avoid contact as much as possible. Now, as the women's game has grown into a full-fledged professional setup here in New Zealand, we're now seeing phenomenal athletes get the air-time, money and fame they deserve. You couldn't fuckin' pay me to get in front of Portia Woodman. But splitting the genders in a high contact sport makes sense, cause Portia Woodman would get demoed in the men's game, and Portia Woodman is a terrifying powerhouse.

The only question I think worth asking around this in team/contact sports is, "Is anyone going to get hurt by this?". Be it a trans woman playing with women or a trans man playing against men. I will note I never see the latter of these situations making headlines. Nobody seems worried if a small trans dude wants to kick it with his brethren. It's always the trans women wanting to play with her sisters that gets people out of sorts. We certainly aren't seeing a sudden influx of men transitioning to women to play high level rugby with high level athletes bodies. So even then, my only question isn't likely ever going to be asked. Not in good faith, anyway.

But with powerlifting, the old adage is that you're really only competing with yourself. There's no contact. It's just you, the bar and the weights. Do the job right, you get the three white lights. Do the job really right, you get to take home a trophy or a record. Nobody is getting physically hurt by another competitor. While I can understand the fear of the scenario, where a young powerlifting prodigy in the women's grade is outshone by a trans woman who is simply stronger and nobody can compete with them, as far as I know it hasn't happened. Janae Maree Kroc stopped competitve lifting once she begun hormone therapy to aid her transition, and she's about the only person I can think of who could have fit the 'scenario'.

Jaycee Cooper, from the article, has a decidely unremarkable powerlifting record. And I use the word unremarkable to support her in her ventures. She didn't transition to sneak in a world record. In the 2022 comp, she successfully lifted:

Squat: 150kg

Bench: 97.5kg (failed 102.5kg)

Deadlift: 155kg

She, and everyone else, were eclipsed by Amanda Lawrence. Who, in the same weight class as Jaycee, lifted:

Squat: 242.5kg

Bench: 130kg

Deadlift: 252kg

You have to drop down weight classes to about the 60kg range, before finding people that Jaycee would be on par with in the competition, and even then it's only on bench. That could be a holdover from her body having more testosterone pre-transition? But it's not my business. All I know is that typically, men have noticeably stronger upper bodies. Case in point, I can bench more than Amanda Lawrence. No fucking way I can squat or deadlift more than her, and she's about 10kg lighter than I am.

Sorry that's a lot of waffle, it's something I get asked about at work as these conversations come up, and I've been in that powerlifting community for the better part of a decade. A longwinded way of saying I'm with kb and say "Let them lift". Jaycee was never going to set records, and it was never about that. She just wants to compete and be valid.

The phrase we use around the office is "tyrannosaurus arms"

I'm stealing that. I can picture it, it's perfect and I'm stealing it. Actually, we've traded words before. Literally. I do use 'shitcamel' when the need arises.

I really have to agree with what you're describing. I can make the printers work in the office. I can make the printers work in other offices. Converting to pdf, yep. Formatting a pdf.. Actually anything with fucking Adobe seems to be wizardry to a lot of my colleagues. My very smart, medically qualified colleagues. I showed someone how to use a pivot table in excel and I think she sees me as some basement dwelling, DnD playing ubernerd. Which is only half true.

There was one moment that will always stand out. I had just helped shift an entire department from one area on campus to another. Took me like 2 weeks of overtime, because I was doing my usual job, on top of getting them from A to B (it was my office too, but they're academics and are honestly just too busy to help). So during this time, I had arranged the moving company, received and created the several hundred boxes that the academics would use to shift their items, arranged for phone and internet ports to be shifted/activated/deactivated as needed, setup the dreaded printers in the new area, and altered the signage and website so people knew where the fuck we were now.. This is just to paint a picture of my mental state at the time of this specific memory.

I had turned up early, to help cart everything into each respective office. I had a map of the new digs, so I knew who was going where, and I had labelled the boxes so myself and the moving company knew what rooms needed which items. All going smoothly. About four hours into this, I'm a sweaty but accomplished mess. Cue, our academic and palliative care specialist. A practicing Dr when she isn't teaching or researching. Very bright, very driven. I hear her rootling around in her office, and her voice echoes down the hallway. She's a rare American on our staff, so her voice is distinct. She also shortens my name from five letters to three, so it's even more distinct. She calls out. I trudge into her office, probably trailing an extension cord and an errant HMDI cable:

Her: "Hey my computer won't turn on. I thought you set everything up before we got in?"

Me: "I sure did. Might have forgotten something though, I've done this office and the other 20."

Her: "Oh man that's some work. Can you have a look for me?"

She stands from her computer and offers me her seat. I don't take it. I know what the problem is. I press the power button on her desktop. It whirrs to life and her screens light up. She hasn't noticed what I've done, only that things are working.

Her: "Oh amazing! Thank you!"

Me (already halfway out the door): "No worries!"

Again, she's super bright. Has a wealth of life and professional experience to call on. But she didn't think to try turning the fucking thing on before calling for me. I'm 100% enabling them, I know it. But being the 'IT guy' without being in IT does have its perks. IT love me because I keep tickets from being logged in my areas, fixing the problem before it reaches their overwhelming task list. As a result, when I have a genuine IT problem and raise a ticket, I get priority. Same day response when 3 days is the norm.

Still, tyrannosaurus arms indeed.