Welp, I'm kinda, almost, maybe, probably, actually done with term 3 now. Halfway to a bachelors degree. Dang. I had plans to do a bit more with my app project but that didn't happen so now I might get a passing grade though I am kind of unsure. I'll continue work on the app in either case, so if I have to do more work for a passing grade it isn't that bad. I miss my cat. Sometimes I hear the floor creak and turn around and expect to see her there. We're getting kittens. I knew that I wanted to keep having cats after Kathlyn, but I did hope that "after Kathlyn" was going to happen far off in the future. I'm confident that the decision to get kittens is coming from a good place and not desperation to get back something that I can't ever get back. I feel like there is two aspects to feeling shit about my cat being dead, the grief over her being gone, and missing having a cat. And nothing but time is going to soothe the first one, but the second one can be solved. Having this feeling of the one thing I want the most (my cat back) being out of reach has kind of made everything else feel less important which is kind of bad with deadlines looming. I managed the last one (though I don't know if I passed the exam) and I think I'll have something to hand in on Monday even if it isn't up to a passing standard. A petty shit start to 2021 tbh, but I think it can still be a good year.
I'm really sorry about the loss of Kathlyn. She must have been an incredible friend. I think your feelings and your introspection are healthy. My cat Max passed away in April of 2019, and it was just me and Tess for a while. She and Max never really got along, but I could tell she was lonely. So Hugo came home. Hugo isn't Max, and I still miss him. I sometimes still ask Tess if she remembers him (but being a cat she doesn't answer). Hugo is curled up in my legs currently, and he's a nice boy. But I still miss Max. Bringing him home came from a good place, and I'm sure you're right that getting kittens will be for you, too. I always like to think my cats wish they could still be here but are glad another cat in need has a home.