Perfectionism is such a weird thing to accept. I’ve got that crippling kind of perfectionism were I just don’t do anything, because I’ve decided in my head that I’m not actually as smart as people think. It feels weird to call that perfectionism, but very worth looking deeper into.
oyster ya know, that was actually a part of the conversation last night. It's not even a laziness thing so much as a "crippling over-analysis of every possible outcome and scenario" thing...which does have it's benefits it certain situations, but I think is more a "using a hammer to solve every problem" mechanism right now.
Ya for me it’s a fear of not being able to live up to expectations, because every expectation anybody has had of me didn’t take into account that I was dyslexic. It always looks like laziness for some reason, I think that’s why perfectionism has to be pointed out by other people. Like I have a great picture in my head of what I want to do, but completely lack the tools to get there. The perfectionism comes in when I am given the tools to do something, meet or exceed the expectation and then still feel like I must be falling short. I started a new job recently and every single time I’ve been asked how I felt about my own performance at work I’ve been told to not be so hard on my self and it’s like...oh? You want me to relax? Meanwhile in my head I thought I picked this super small thing to fix and was super nice to myself. I’ve been looking for books lately on this, if I find a good one I’ll make sure to recommend it.