I know you’re asking about others, but if you don’t mind me asking, are there things that you can identify as feeding into your feeling of a deficit of self-control? Also, it seems as if another effect in feeling like you may not have the self-control that you wish you had, is that you are feeling like you can’t reach a state of flow, is that right? If so, how are you seeing your self-control as contributing to your ability to reach a flow state? Now to answer your question: things are weird and uncertain, but not bad on a personal level. My parents are both retiring soon and if I’m honest, I wonder about that transition for them. They are both very community-minded people and I wonder how transitioning to an undefined state of meaning will affect them. It seems also as though their friends are all retiring at once as well, so I’ve been trying to encourage my parents to think about ways in which they might satisfy their communal and pro social needs among their retirement “cohort” if you will. I guess a short way to sum up things for me is that I’m really feeling the urge to find greater stability, which is new for me. But, as a dude in his mid 30’s, maybe that’s not a surprise, even if it’s surprising to me!I feel like I am a terrible lab partner because I can't focus properly and get so distracted even as we sit on a voice call working together and I basically never feel that good "oh-yeah-I'm-being-so-productive-and-getting-things-done" feeling. And I'm a bit worried that this isn't a "it's hard working from a distance"-thing but a "you have a problem with self-control"-thing.
What I think is my main problem is that I've gotten in to the really bad habit of sometimes switching off and not trying when me and my lab-partner get stuck on a problem. I want to believe this is due to it being harder to focus when everything is distanced and not the fact that I have no one to be held accountable to. (Aka, my lab partner can't see me so doesn't notice I've drifted of). Which one is it? Who knows. The solution is oh so very simple in theory (just pay attention) but in practice things have worked out differently. I don't have the same problem working on individual stuff - there is no-one else to solve those problems after all. I've never been the slacker of a group project before and I am not liking the rising suspicion that I might be right now. I'm probably more concerned with "being a bad person" than with "not being productive". Good to hear that things aren't bad. I've found it hard to say that things are "good" even when things are pretty good on a personal level since I can't really shake how things could have been if things were normal.
This resonated with me. I’ve recently come to understand better how I’ve attached my self worth to the quality of my work. When work suffers, my whole sense of how I define myself suffers. That’s not great at all, so that’s something I’m really working on. I’m not sure that applies to you personally, but perhaps reflecting and seeing if you can figure out what’s got you tangled up could be worthwhile? As an example, I’ll share that I had some writer’s block when working on a project recently and it was only after really examining what I’d been doing that it became clear that I was blocked because I was trying to write this thing according to what I thought people would want to read instead of writing what I really wanted to say. After that, I started over and it all came much more easily. I felt better about it too. That’s also really tough, but totally understandable! Managing expectations is a skill I’m always learning, but it has been helpful in getting through everything. I’m finding that managing my expectations but not giving in to cynicism is very much a work in progress. Best of luck!I don't have the same problem working on individual stuff - there is no-one else to solve those problems after all. I've never been the slacker of a group project before and I am not liking the rising suspicion that I might be right now. I'm probably more concerned with "being a bad person" than with "not being productive".
Good to hear that things aren't bad. I've found it hard to say that things are "good" even when things are pretty good on a personal level since I can't really shake how things could have been if things were normal.