I'm cocooning harder than I ever have before. I don't go out. I don't socialize. The only conversations I have with anyone are my wife, my housemate when I drive him to/from work twice a week, and my dad in our once-a-week dinner dates.

Wednesday I went to speak to my contractor friend about building a new deck for my house.

I've always been a super social guy. One of my superpowers was that people just naturally liked to talk to me, and they'd tell me things they'd never tell anyone else. At parties or events, I'd just find a comfy place to sit and chill, and people would come to me all night, sit down, talk, laugh, chat, and then someone else would take their place.

When I would go to shows at bars, I'd find a good spot to hang out and watch the crowd, and the band, and just kinda chill. I was often mistaken for the owner of the place! No matter where I was, someone would assume I was the owner or manager and come up and ask me something, or after chatting with someone for a few minutes they'd ask, "So... is this your place?" I think it's because I've always been comfortable in my skin... just... I dunno, contented with myself. So I don't put off any airs of NEEDing anything... I'm just being calm and enjoying myself.

So. Back to Wednesday... I'm trying to carry on a generic conversation with a guy I know really well, and we have a set agenda of what to talk about: Why is his bid so high, and what can I do to lower the cost?

But holy hell... I was completely unable to hold up my end of the conversation! It regularly got awkward for no reason at all.

And after we finished business, we talked about the chickens and his garden and... at some point I just kinda walked away and got in my car and left! Didn't really say goodbye, or anything (like I normally would), I just kinda... left.

Shit's weird, man.