What are the components of your identity? Is there a stable consistent part of you that sustains you regardless of the vicissitudes of fortune?
It's unnerving that the seat of our identity is within those around us, not simply in how they perceive us, but in how we interpret how they perceive us based on their actions. Identity is such a convoluted and subtle thing.
I can't imaging anyone who has an identity that could stand up to much social revolt. Can you imagine waking up and everyone treating you as a stranger? It wouldn't take long before you started to question the very foundations of who you were.
It's one of the most fascinating things when someone describes to you how someone else described you to them, -to get a second hand glimpse at your identity. I have to imagine that this is a problem in AI. I also have to imagine that AI might form identity in ways that we find difficult to relate to.
I also wonder if this isn't a possible explanation for the emergence of altruism. If you are kind, your identity might be more stable.
I only partially know myself.
- It's unnerving that the seat of our identity is within those around us...
I disagree. The existentialist conclusion was that the way one interacts with the world is one's identity. I actually find this idea liberating. It doesn't matter how fucked up you feel on the inside; good deeds can always redeem you.
I'll ask a corollary question (I know, I know, not polite to answer with a question): Does each of us have a unique or multiple identities? I certainly feel like I have a singular identity: Me. But if the world were defining me, I think different people would define me in different ways, depending on how I interact with the particular subject. For example, at work I'm a scientist, and (I hope) a relatively serious one. People there know me as a problem solver, a writer, a teacher and a student, I suppose. In my personal life, my favorite pastime is ice hockey. The good friends I've made from hockey know me as a drunk with a tasteless sense of humor and lack of regard for personal safety.
And of course, just as with all of you, there are other groups whom I interact with in other ways. I don't think anyone can know you beyond how you interact with them, so it might be correct to say that each of us wears many hats and many costumes, depending on the company we keep. I know who I am at hockey, because I put on the number 11 sweater; and I know who I am here, because it says b_b in the top left corner. Each of these things comes with a unique history, context and set of expectations, and I'm therefore not sure that a better-than-superficial answer can ever be given to this question, even though each of us feels like us.
Maybe this is why most people are most comfortable around close friends and family; you don't really need to behave in any particular predefined way.
Good question, lil. I would say I appear outwardly different in some appreciable ways. I got married and moved to the suburbs, both things I thought I'd never do. (There's a life lesson there about not speaking in absolutes, but that's neither here nor there right now.) Furthermore, I've been promoted at work twice since then, and now make what most people would consider to be a decent salary. By all accounts, I'm what one might consider a respectable member of society--an identity I never thought I'd have and never wanted! (I have a lawn for fuck's sake. I hate lawns. I've never mowed it, in my defense.)
I think when you're married you are forced to give and take some parts of your identity with your spouse, and I think that was one reason that I was so opposed to the idea; I never wanted to relinquish any part of me, as I viewed a strong sense of self as being central to maintaining independence and freedom. However, I've come to understand that in the ideal circumstance, we stand to gain a lot more than we lose when we have a true partner. In that sense, I don't think that my identity could be fully appreciated without considering my wife a part of it.
All that said, I don't feel like a different person, although I feel like a more complete person, a more mature and open-minded person. I'm not sure these things are really what make up one's identity though. But I did switch to #50, so I suppose I am pretty different.
Hi b_b, thx for your comments.
"I know who I am at hockey, because I put on the number 11 sweater" - great line.
First of all, it's absolutely encouraged to answer a question with a question. The practice goes back to the Bible: God: Cain, where is Able your brother? Cain: Am I my brother's keeper?
Second, it's great that you feel singular and integrated in your me-ness. I feel that way too, and hope I am mostly consistent in my self-presentation (regardless of the particular role). My question came out of my close observation of another who is struggling with the falling away of one identity (scientist actually), and can't seem to self-define without it. I imagine there are other contributing circumstance.
I love the diversity in your life. Those of us who are lucky perhaps move through all these identities in an integrated way. All your identities will make it easier to cope in case one or more of the key ones are threatened. (A huge topic - identity - that I visit lightly from time to time.)
I'm not sure I'd use the parable of Cain and Abel as my model to live by! Thanks for the vote of confidence though :)
Any teachers reading this? I think you guys have a life in which multiple versions of yourself might be the most pronounced, given the pressures to set a good example for young people.