no, because I'm a heartless prick.

No, because charity lies in a tricky convergence of empathy, society and self-worth which is why the most successful efforts are cloaked in decorum. I've had four noteworthy experiences with charity that have shaped my perception: I ran a subreddit based on favors, I helped a guy in prison for a couple years, I had a scammer walk up to my door and take me for $40 and a ride to Compton while leaving my apartment undefended and I gave a friend a substantial amount of money to help him through a tough time.

/r/favors taught me that all people are generous but that a small percentage has no compunctions about taking advantage of that generosity. Maybe it's drugs, maybe it's sociopathy, maybe it's fundamental disrespect; I've found that the resentful poor can talk themselves into a place where the "rich" (anyone with more money than them) deserves to be taken because after all, they don't deserve to be poor. I learned that it doesn't take much for an otherwise upstanding person to feel entirely okay about scamming others because they need the money.

My experience with Youngluck taught me that I was giving to him because I had a personal connection and a moral code. I learned that I could get others to give to him not necessarily because of what they thought of him, but because of how I performed my commitment to him. Call it the Jerry Lewis effect: the target of our charity is abstract but the vehicle of our charity is concrete. In the end, my actions mattered more to the charity available to him than his did.

My experience with the scammer (a homeless guy who got into our gated complex and impersonated a resident) taught me that there are those out there who are practiced at taking advantage of our charitable impulses and that I'm entirely vulnerable. I think most people are fundamentally good and deserving of charity and I think the rest of the world agrees; we'll give the benefit of the doubt to anyone who can make a connection with us and show/tell us just enough to make us believe we're doing good. It took me ten seconds to let a stranger into my home to case the place, and another 20 minutes to be giving him a ride five exits away before rush hour. At that point the act of giving him $40 to get out of my car so I could get back home in time to stop his buddies from raiding my place was a bargain (especially as my panicked calls to security got them to my door a mere 40 minutes later, as I was walking up the stairs). Once our defenses are down, they keep going down further. Becoming vigilant again is tough because then we have to admit we were wrong, we have to admit we misjudged and we have to admit to ourselves that our charity isn't bottomless after all.

My experience with my friend taught me that once you've given once, you'll be asked again. When we're in a pinch we'll go back to the easiest avenue available to us. It doesn't matter that my friend's parents have $1.5m in laddered CDs, a pension worth six figures a year and seven figures of real estate; he's in a fight with them so when he needed a little extra to stretch him until his disability started, he came to me, not them. Why? I was sympathetic and attached no strings. That I've got a business to run and a daughter to feed went into my calculations, not his.

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You have a connection with Gaza. I do not. Your friends have a connection with you. So do I... barely. You're not Jerry Lewis to me, you're lil's boyfriend. And I know that once I've let money leak out of that sympathy hole, it'll be a tough hole to close.

I thought this one family's needs are essentially endless. And there are millions of desperate people in this world. They all need help. How can I know when to help and when to say no? But, I did. I said no. It was hard for me -- and harder for M, I am sure.

Exactly.

Multi-level marketing succeeds because it short-circuits the friend/business barrier: we extend empathy to our friends but skepticism to our trading partners and a Tupperware party is not Bed Bath & Beyond. And whether we understand it or not, we sense the barrier being short-circuited and it has an impact on us. If we like our purchase we're a closer friend. If we don't, or if we don't buy at all, we're more distant. And asking for money on a "friendly" forum has the same effect. It stretches the bonds of friendship - either to temper them stronger or break them.