First off, thanks. I'll admit, I was hoping you would weigh in on this because this girl actually reminds me of you. She's smart, good natured but she obviously likes to have fun too. I don't fault her for this, but she should have been smart enough to cover her tracks. Also, have a few friends over and not the entire school. The floors looked like the football team was wearing their cleats in the house. I had a cleaning service come this morning and clean the house. I like the idea of having all the evidence on the counter, but really there isn't much. The floors are clean now, the vomit is clean now and there's just a bag of pot and a plastic cup. Luckily, I took photos of the rug and the vomit. I think I am going to take your advice and let her mother know and ask that they come together to drop off the key. What's your thoughts on whether or not I should pay her for dog sitting? I thought I would throw this question to her mom. I don't want her to not get paid, I like the girl but I don't want to reward her for behaviors that her mom/dad disapprove of. I should mention that my wife thinks I should just handle this with the girl and not the parents. If you know my wife and I, you would likely find this ironic. So pay, or not pay? Also, I would never yell or be angry towards her. That would be hypocritical of me, and I'm not a yeller. -I was 17 once too and she's probably a hell of a lot better of a kid than I was. Still, the punishment should fit the crime and it's not my place to administer it, its her parents imo.
You can always talk to her and her mom and then say you want to talk to her mom alone and ask her mom how she wants to handle it. I'm guessing her mom won't mind her administrating the punishment but it's a good idea to talk about it first and get on the same page. Ask her mom about the money, as well. Say "she did a good job and took care of the dogs so I don't know if not paying her is fair." Maybe offer give the money to her mother and let her give it to her in the future after her grounding or whatever is up. My parents would take things away from me and then give them back when I met a set of expectations (like grades or cleaning the house or whatever.) I'm almost positive this is what happened: she mentioned to a couple friends that she was housesitting for you, they decided that they were going to drink there, her friends told some others, maybe she had a guy in her life that she likes but he doesn't respect her because hes a 17 year old boy, and all the sudden a couple people drinking turns into the entire school. The biggest party we had at my friends house started with 5 of us and 5 of her brothers friends. Suddenly people were just showing up. It gets out of control really fast. And that was before the time of facebook. The first party we had we didn't get caught and that's why the next one turned into a shitshow. The one we had after that didn't though because we were not in the mood to clean or be punished again. IMO, you have to tell her mom. It's not even a question. She's probably expecting it already and if you don't she'll just feel immense relief and not learn anything.
Life can be cruel in high school. I had a party at my own house that started to get out of control, so I told some older dudes they weren't welcome. They decided that to get back at me they would lawn job the neighbor's house (or maybe they were just plain mean indiscriminately, I don't know). Totally uncalled for and nonsensical, but that's high school. There's really no good way to handle this. But in the end young people need to learn that when they're paid to perform a service, they need to do the service without fucking up. The best thing from my perspective would be to hire a cleaning crew and deduct the cost from her fee. Money talks.
Thanks insom, you rule. I agree with all of this and it's the route I plan on taking. I especially like the idea of paying her mother and allowing her to decide how to administer it. She did do a nice job watching the dogs and I really do think she's a good kid. When talking about this last night, I mentioned to my wife exactly what you said, it probably started off as a few friends and then word got out and all of a sudden it's a bash not a get-together. Great advice! Thank you.
Last advice, if her mom looks really upset or angry, remind her that her daughter is a good kid, a good worker, and smart. She just made a mistake. I'm the oldest and so my parents went through all my shit for the first time. My friend had 3 older brothers so her parents were already experienced in the teenage ways. My parents would get really wrapped up and act like a nug of weed was the the end of the world. They started crying when they found out about the party. My friends parents reminded them that of my group of friends I was the most responsible and that I put school and work first unlike their daughter and it opened their eyes to the bigger picture. Sometimes parents can forget that their kid is actually a good kid when they fuck up.
UPDATE: So I talked to her mother and let her know what I found. She was great about it, she was disappointed and used the word "sad" to describe how she felt. She said that she would ask her her side of what happened and let her try and explain what happened. We both agreed that it was likely a situation where she had a couple friends over and it got out of hand. I just received a text message from the girl and she was EXTREMELY apologetic. It seems very sincere and it's pretty lengthy. Some quotes: "I don't know what came over me, I am ashamed". She says that she only had 5 friends over to celebrate one of their birthdays and "apparently I don't know my friends that well". She doesn't want us to pay her and wants to pay for any "damages". There aren't any damages, but now I'm wondering if she knows something I don't. She's going to come by with the key and I'll get a chance to ask her about what happened. She said she realizes she abused our trust and it makes her upset because she really likes our dogs and our daughter. Thanks for the help/advice everyone. Especially you insom, I essentially used your approach and I think it proved to be the right one.