Today I finally went over my business stuff with a friend of mine who's going to school for accounting. Last month I bought a subscription to this accounting thing and felt like an idiot- it's a web app that makes invoicing really easy to use, but my fear of money and not doing a good enough job to deserve money made it feel like the app was mocking me for not being able to use it, plus I had blown more money to subscribe to the app. Sometimes I remember that Britney Spears doesn't have autonomy over her own adulting matters, and I think to myself, Britney Spears is my spirit animal. Today I finally got to a friend who was going to school to accounting to help me face my business fears. She went through and helped me make a few practice invoices and organized my stuff into the invoicing app's boxes and fear stopped being the mind killer it was and the fear became... fun? Things are so clear now. My friend is also going to help manage my to-do lists and keep me accountable for timing myself and doing things in the right order. I also just got a business licence for thefuture.design under a sole proprietor! Tomorrow I'll set up a business bank account so I can really keep things organized. I'm a little annoyed that my friend won't accept a cut of things, I really feel like this is the single best thing that has happened to me all summer, hell, all year. I'm going to surprise her at work with a chai latte tomorrow. A load has been lifted off of me, and it's a rollercoaster to describe. I think it starts with Catholic guilt. Then it goes into a love of learning and the love of a job well done. Then starts the isolation of autodidacism, the pang of specializing in things there are no tutorials for. Rolling your own culture, rolling your own mess of a career.. Imposter syndrome. Bikeshedding and constant self-justification. Glorification of the wrong parts. Saying yes to every project that people want you to do. Leaving a lot of things unfinished. Shame, and Catholic guilt. Things are clearer now? Yes. I still have a lot to do. Also, if you use the referral code "WEEWOO-IS-A-SHILL" for And.co I'll throw in this fucking spatula.
Learn Quickbooks. It will make you feel like you deserve the money. Not only that but should you ever be in a position where you are making money, Quickbooks will allow you to continue to earn it. AND when you are making enough money that you actually have to pay taxes on it and shit you just give your quickbooks file to your accountant, because all accountants use Quickbooks. Lisbeth Salander didn't have autonomy over her own adulting matters either and she's a much better spirit animal.
Hey, just a little unsolicited offer - my wife just started her own business and has a lot of the same worries you've voiced - not being worth what you're charging, getting taxes and accounting in order, etc. - if you ever want to talk through some stuff she or I would be happy to chat.
Thank you so much! I'm currently on the upturn right now, but I won't hesitate to ask if anything comes up.