TD Ameritrade will give you a full-function technical platform and $100k of fake money to play with just for opening an account. And I don't think you even need much money in it.

Just like with my real money, I went to cash and haven't much fucked with it since. Thing is, they give you the fake money account to convince you you have the knowledge to fuck around with the real money account. So I have a very real worry that if I start doing dumb shit like option splits and forex I'll convince myself I actually know what's going on. And confession? I'm a fundamentalist. I think you oughtta be making money off dividends and shit and that approach isn't entertaining. Right now the market is being dominated by greater fool theory - Facebook, Apple, Amazon, Tesla and Google are all worth a lot of money because of course they are, shut up shut up shut up. The stuff that's actually selling product and issuing dividends is still in the mud. Should I be modeling how rich I'd be if I'd thrown all my money in Apple? Maybe. But I hate Apple right now and it would make me feel dirty.

Plus, I've got a lot of money invested in a birth center right now and it has most assuredly curbed my financial adventurism. It should probably feel better to play the ponies with fake money, but the more I dip my toe in it these days the more convinced I am that the market is insane.

And I don't want the crazy rubbing off on me.