The hardest thing I've ever done, hell I dont know what to call it. Taking control of my life? Lets call it that. I was brought up very fundamentally christian and it was overboard even for the bible belt. I also loved nature shows and science, can you feel the cognitive disanance growing? To top it off I have recently been diagnosed with a mild form of aspergers and am certain everyone in my family, save my mom, suffers to an extent.

For me this led to a perfect storm of not understanding how humans worked socially, not knowing how normal non religious society functioned and whatever purpose and meaning my hardships had was lost when science finally destroyed my religious sentiments.

This left me in a place where I was lost, suffering from isolation and bullying, and there seemed to be no way to escape. At this time I had no explanation for my lack of social skills as I was not diagnosed. In my view I was simply a square peg in a round hole.

Ultimately this led me to suicide. As I held a loaded gun to my forehead I decided, YOLO. All the things I never did because I was raised to feel they were wrong I would do. I would try my best to digure out how to be 'normal', thru behavior adjustments. With help from a very good friend I finally overcame but it took years and I still feel like I struggle with some issues.

Now I am the most normal in my family, have a good set of friends, a wonderful fiance and a great, if not stressfull life.

SBG, keep your head up. I'm rooting for you. You sound like your able to look the nasty truth in the eye. If you can do that and still keep on keeping on.. your doing better than most.