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comment by ButterflyEffect
ButterflyEffect  ·  998 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: My Current Soundtrack

    ...it's like people just throw things found on the internet at the wall to see if they stick.

Hm. What do you mean by this?




cgod  ·  998 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I've known people who click through dating/mating apps and go on dates with three or four different people a week. Hell I've known people who will scheduled three dates in an evening, if the first one is going well they will cancel the next two and so on. I suppose it's playing the odds, dating like you are buying a lottery ticket, you never know the next one might be a winner.

The cold ask out of a person you just met or didn't even know was always there but it seems like people are more like to go for the quick and shallow date without much meaning attached to it than they ever were before.

I don't know if I'm saying this at all well. If you go on one hundred dates a year you might look at going on a date with a coworker with little consideration of the consequences. It's just another date. All dates are just another date, nothing to em, just push through em like enemies in a video game until you find a golden chest.

You used to only be able to date people you knew and consequently would have to gauge the social or work related consequences of who you were going to go out with more carefully than an average tinder date. You had to weigh the relative merits of the person and how they related to your world with some care (not necessarily some kind of extraordinary care but it mattered). There was always the cold ask out of a person you met while at a book store, the bar or a show but there were way less of these people to hook up with than there are now that the internet has aggregated demand.

Now a days you can go on three dates in a night or one hundred dates in a year even if you are less than the studliest guy or more desirable girl around. You don't have to try and suss out how compatible a person is, what your friends would think if you started seeing her, if Donna would still consider going out with you if she knew you went out on a date with Susan. You can just date your ass off, separate the wheat from the chaff as you find them. No worries about if your compatible, do you share the same tastes, does their laugh annoy the shit out of you. The consensus of people I've seen who date hard and often is that you should know in the first ten to twenty minutes if a person is worth your time. No more working up the nerve or deciding if your really interested.

It's a different world.

AshleyR  ·  998 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    You used to only be able to date people you knew and consequently would have to gauge the social or work related consequences of who you were going to go out with more carefully than an average tinder date.

chuckle That's the reason I don't date coworkers, right there. :D

Basically, I think the risk is too big for that setting. It can get nasty when you go on a date, get to know the person and end things badly. It's worse when you have to see that person every single day. At its worst they treat you as if you didn't exist. At best, you can still be kind-of-friends. Regardless, the whole workplace is going to know about it.

Anyway, I'm glad it worked for you! :)

Moving on:

    You had to weigh the relative merits of the person and how they related to your world with some care

chuckle² I think so too.

    There was always the cold ask out of a person you met while at a book store, the bar or a show but there were way less of these people to hook up with than there are now that the internet has aggregated demand.

There's a couple points I'd wish to put here:

1- I grew up in an open, "aggressive" dating culture. Brazilians tend to move things fast. You meet the person you want, ask them out, kiss on the first date usually (or even before the first date), and so on. There's still the tradition of the man asking the girl out, so girls get a lot of attention. The biggest part of it is unwanted attention.

2- I've never tried online dating before and I don't feel like doing so right now because I'm VERY paranoid about privacy. Just so I don't seem too much like an alien, I had some... caliente talks, for lack of a better word... on IRC and some online games. It was always the other person who initiated it. I'd just show up, say "Hi, how are you?" and that was it! There were some e-penpals too last year.

So, this is where I come from. I don't know anything about dating in the US, except for what I read.

On a side note, I wonder how Coffee Meets Bagel, Bumble, Happn and Once are doing right now. When is Tinder going to be overtaken? What's next?