(I have assumed you are in Russia, since you are using WebMoney?) I read one thing between the lines of your message... grasping. You are trying to reach out and catch something that is elusive... and that thing keeps eluding your grasp. But you don't "catch" friends. Like sitting in a park with birdseed in your hand, you need to be available, still, comfortable, and then the birds will come to you. I'm assuming a lot about you, but all I have to go on is this black text on a white background... but what I see is someone who is not sure of who they are, of what value they are, and yet wants other people to see what you yourself can't even see. That's a tall order. My suggestion is that you start volunteering. Go to your local food bank and volunteer. Find a local theater and volunteer there. Organizations like this are always in need of help, and are a great place to improve yourself. As you help others, you help yourself. And you discover things about yourself. And you get to see how OTHER people see you, and connect with you. And - quite honestly - these kinds of organizations always have "weirdos", and know how to deal with them. So your awkwardness won't be a problem. And as people support you, and show you gratitude for your help, that will help you find your inner value, pride, and help you become strong in your self. And keep talking. Keep communicating. Keep reading. Like fitness, it is a process that takes time and effort, but the payoffs are immeasurable. I wish you good luck and much progress!
Sure is. You made me think about this, and there's no clear answer I can give to either of the questions. This is only partly surprising to me; perhaps I always knew this but was never able to articulate it consciously. In my thoughts, I came to the conclusion that it's nothing I can work on, directly; instead, things I do and act upon make me what I am. I'm not completely shallow and empty, but there's a lot of space to build to, nonetheless. This one is a tall order for me, as well. I'm anxious even when entering a new group of people I don't have to interact with much - and a group of people I am to help? That sounds like a big obstacle for me. I'm a helper with performance anxiety, so going for volunteering might become... difficult. I'll try, though, when I come to terms with it. I've always wanted to help people, and I do feel good when I do. Thank you, goobster. I appreciate what you said.what I see is someone who is not sure of who they are, of what value they are, and yet wants other people to see what you yourself can't even see. That's a tall order.
My suggestion is that you start volunteering.
You will be surprised what happens to your social anxiety when you help other people. And, when volunteering, you find yourself surrounded by like-minded people. So that thing that seemed like such an obstacle, or a hurdle you couldn't jump, becomes nothing more than a pebble that you can step right over. I am - as you can probably tell - a very outgoing, opinionated, and boisterous person. Shyness is never something I have had to deal with. So when I am in a situation, and I see a shy person stepping up, and trying something new, I support them. I welcome them, encourage them, and make them feel valuable and valued. What I am saying is that sometimes all you need to do is make yourself available, and someone like me will take the opportunity to help you out. It's not all your responsibility to overcome every single detail. Let the helpers help you out, as well. I've always wanted to help people, and I do feel good when I do.
You know, at times, I envy people like you. Always open to others, always ready to show warmth and kindness even to those you don't know. What a gift that is. I appreciate your kindness and your helpful attitude. Thank you for sharing these thoughts with me.