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comment by Isherwood
Isherwood  ·  2733 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Today's Writing Prompt: Magic

Excellent descriptions. The world, and Neron's movements in it, were clear and vivid. There's also a great use of feeling in his success. You might weave the music in a bit tighter. The wind feels like a string symphony to me, so the fast-beat dance music threw me off. You might also tie changes in the songs to different moves, a swelling of drums could make him raise the wind, a crashing of cymbals could bring him down.

Really solid though. I didn't think twice about your dance knowledge, the character was so certain and sure of his victory that the dance was just a footnote in his story.

War  ·  2733 days ago  ·  link  ·  

See that is always an issue I when it comes to writing. I imagine a scene with all these moving parts, and then when I actually write the scene I focus in on one of those parts instead the original image, but I guess that's what editing is for right haha?

As always thank you for the critiques.

Isherwood  ·  2733 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I know exactly what you mean.

My background is storytelling, I used to have to entertain very large audiences for hours at a time. Now, when I write, I try to imagine I'm telling a story to people. I try to imagine what they would look like, how they would respond. Is this the first time I mentioned the cliff? Then they'll all be confused, I should probably explain it. Is he about to take a step off the ledge? They'll be confused at that too, but this time I want them to be.

Mostly it's about taking the time to build something complete. It's like a drawing, the focus might be the portrait in the middle, but you still have to draw the chair he's sitting on and the room he's sitting in. Try to take some time to build a room with your words. You're always welcome to ignore the prompt and just to write, if you'd like.