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comment by Isherwood
Isherwood  ·  2741 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Today's writing prompt: The Beginning

It's an interesting start and I'm definitely curious to know what actually happened. It's a good lead in and a nice little mystery sentence at the end. You're mixing sparse dialogue with solid descriptions to paint a very simple but vivid scene. Nicely done.

There was a funny pronoun in the second paragraph ("you") and in the third paragraph I might move the injection after "surprised", but those are pretty minor preference points. Well done, I'm interested to see where it goes.

swedishbadgergirl  ·  2741 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I have actually completely (almost) planned this story. So I'll try and do middle and end after this.