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comment by swedishbadgergirl
swedishbadgergirl  ·  1905 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Today's writing prompt: The Beginning

“It's nothing”

Laura pulled her head away, trying to hide the fact that she winced even from Theodora's fingers brushing across her cheekbone. It wasn't nothing but it also wasn't something she was willing to discuss or show. You held your head high, waited for the swelling to subside and tried to somehow acquire the nerve to endure the pain and poke at it to make sure it wasn't so badly hurt it wouldn't heal.

Laura kept being - even after all these years - surprised at how wide a variety of damadge the human body could repair.

“It's not”

Theodora spoke firmly but not unkindly and pulled Laura's head closer to herself again, being more careful now after seeing how Laura had reacted to just a light touch.

“Let me see” Laura tried her best to keep still, relaxing all muscles best she could, trying to keep her face from twitching, even the tiniest bit.

“I'm really sorry but this is going to hurt.” She said it like a fact, like something that was independent of the fact that she was about to poke at the giant bruise on Laura's cheekbone.

“Ow” Best as she tried Laura couldn't keep her composure. The reaction was involuntary and she felt how her whole body convulsed. She tried her best to keep steady – but of course Thea noticed and threw out a hand to steady her.

Laura noticed the flash of panic in Thea's eyes – it was over in an instant – but it was there long enough that Laura had time to feel incredibly guilty.

“Sorry” The two women's hurried apologies bled into each-other.

Theodora took a deep breath.

“Well – it's not broken.”

“Thank god” They both knew why they breathed a sigh of relief at the conclusion.

They both new what a broken cheekbone would mean. A lot of things could be fixed at home — but not that.

Isherwood  ·  1904 days ago  ·  link  ·  

It's an interesting start and I'm definitely curious to know what actually happened. It's a good lead in and a nice little mystery sentence at the end. You're mixing sparse dialogue with solid descriptions to paint a very simple but vivid scene. Nicely done.

There was a funny pronoun in the second paragraph ("you") and in the third paragraph I might move the injection after "surprised", but those are pretty minor preference points. Well done, I'm interested to see where it goes.

swedishbadgergirl  ·  1904 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I have actually completely (almost) planned this story. So I'll try and do middle and end after this.