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comment by Ty-Guy
Ty-Guy  ·  1249 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: “Just be yourself” is cruel, fraudulent advice to give young people - Salon.com

This phrase really creates a confusing climate for these kids. Their parents and teachers are telling them "just be yourself," while their peers are telling them what they should and shouldn't do. It's really a constant struggle of them trying to be themselves while their peers reject whatever version they think is the right one.

This article hit the nail on the head for me. randomuser is right in saying that parents need to be more honest with their children. Constantly lying to children is seen as the humane thing to do here in America, but is really detrimental to them in the end. This reminds me of the debate over whether you should let your children win when playing games with them. Many successful athletes discuss in interviews how their parents never let them win while playing sports; they had to earn it. Whether that's something any of you could see yourself doing or not, it's important to consider! I'm not sure how many illusions I want my kids to have about the world, or when I would want those illusions to end. It's tricky.




thenewgreen  ·  1249 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I have a four year old daughter. We have a number of "matching games" and at first I would let her win a few games and lose a couple too, in order to teach her how to handle both experiences. Now, she openly kicks my ass without me pulling any punches. I wish she would let me win from time to time. But, I get the sentiment from the athletes, it makes sense. I think being competitive is a great thing in life. Learning how to lose AND win with dignity is important stuff.

Ty-Guy  ·  1249 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I'm sorry I brought up such a sore subject! :)

I'm glad your daughter is showing that kind of promise from such a young age. I hadn't considered winning with dignity! That lesson will be a hard one to teach, I think. My main thesis of parenthood is probably just going to be "have empathy for everyone." Hopefully my kids will have some friends that show them how to win and lose well, too.

thenewgreen  ·  1249 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    My main thesis of parenthood is probably just going to be "have empathy for everyone."
That's a solid foundation Ty-Guy!