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comment by _refugee_
_refugee_  ·  3228 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: America's struggle

Love the food comparison. That drew a very clear and vivid parallel for me to people who refuse to try new foods, or rather specifically, those people that grow up on 3 different food items and as adults refuse to eat anything else (chicken nuggets for ex.).

Also, if someone(A) would refuse to date someone(B) because their hair color wasn't the one color that (A) preferred, I find that a very clear statement about what (A) cares about in potential mates: their looks and only their looks. "Sorry, blondes, you could be totally perfect for me in every way, but because of your hair, I'm going to refuse to date you. I'm just not attracted to it. '

Ugh. If you meet the perfect person and she is blonde or brown or one leg is shorter than the other or she wears glasses and you didn't think you liked glasses or she is taller than you or she is shorter than you or she has a really high pitched voice, I think you are dumb for letting that factor stop you. No one is perfect, no one is going to check off every box on your list especially if some of those boxes are things totally out of anyone's control.

Guys who don't date women who are taller than them are insecure about their height. Women who won't date shorter probably are too. I have dated tall and short and in between. Guess what! Someone's height has BASICALLY NO IMPACT on whether you get along with them. I have never broken up with a guy and thought, "Well, if only he were taller, maybe..." or "I'm never dating a tall man again, they're all assholes" or "Man, you know what the worst thing about him was? He was shorter than me!"

It's funny how people try to make physical attraction and beauty out to be the most #1 important thing in their partner, yet it is the quality over which everyone has the least control. I can learn more, earn more, work harder, be kinder, whatever, if I want to be. I can alter my behavior. But everyone gives people a chance (or not) based on looks and unless you get plastic surgery your general face-ness and body-ness is fixed at birth.

Everyone wants to pick someone who won the genetic lottery but the thing is the lottery is at least 75% chance. The quality of having 'won the jackpot' has literally nothing to do with the actual person inside that actual body and skin. The only thing the jackpot bestows is increased attention of would-be sexual/romantic partners.

It is like cars. Some people want the most expensive/prettiest/whatever cars because it is important to them that everyone else know they can afford it or whatever. Some people show off and shore up their ego by way of their little red sports car. They wanna show that their dick is bigger.

Get over it.

One of my favorite men used to shut down the "who has the biggest dick"-style discussions that would spring up between him and his friends, by announcing that his was small. Had to be the smallest in the room. With a smile and twinkle in his eye. He was secure. And it shut everyone else up thank god.





thenewgreen  ·  3227 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    One of my favorite men used to shut down the "who has the biggest dick"-style discussions that would spring up between him and his friends
-I'm a guy, have been my whole life. I have lots of guy friends. I don't think I've ever had this conversation with them.
_refugee_  ·  3227 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yeah, I'm not saying it's a universal male experience, but rather one that happened commonly among his group of male friends.

(And as I think on it, I'm not even going to say I ever knew those friends of his enough to be able to say they were good people or douches. I have to say that that conversational trope does make them seem a little hypermasculine and overly competitive.)