a thoughtful web.
Good ideas and conversation. No ads, no tracking.   Login or Take a Tour!
comment by coffeesp00ns
coffeesp00ns  ·  3673 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Write Better Dammit!: Comma Coma #3: Commas and the Three Bears

Admittedly, I'm one of the many people guilty of using too many commas in my life. I don't know how many I would be able to eliminate from the sentence as is.

    One night, while walking to the bar, Kate told me, "You know, you are not at all like we thought you were."

I would definitely be able to nix the first one. The second one seems, while less important, to add space to the sentence in a way I find pleasing. It would look odd to me if it was missing.

The third comma is necessary AFAIK, or my third grade teacher lied to me. I would have to completely restructure the quoted sentence if I wanted to remove the final comma there.

I guess I just love commas too much. I am obviously incorrect but I have no idea how to complete this exercise to your satisfaction!





lil  ·  3673 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I agree with you and your third grade teacher, but I'd just take out the "you know." When recounting a story we have to make it readable. This might require sacrificing some of the exact words. "You know" does not add any meaning to the sentence so those words can go and we are left with

    While walking to the bar one night, Kate told me, "You are not at all like we thought you were."

Thanks for participating. Stay tuned for more bad sentences.

coffeesp00ns  ·  3673 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Gotcha. I appreciate modifying the quote slightly to help with readability. Were it the news, i guess you'd put a [...] in front of it, or some such.