a thoughtful web.
Good ideas and conversation. No ads, no tracking.   Login or Take a Tour!
comment by iamfight
iamfight  ·  4651 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: There are no bad children, just good and bad behaviors --really?  ·  
i believe there are no bad children, just bad parents. to suggest that a child is "bad" is to suggest that small children are capable of malice; a trait we dont learn until much later in life. all behavior is learned, and poor behavior is likely betraying the ineptitude of their teachers/parents. but it is possible to convince them otherwise; youd be amazed at the progress that can be made by speaking/explaining to children, as oppossed to "BECAUSE I SAID SO!"

not all of the problem parents ive run into are are bad people, they just make the mistake of either assuming that children are capable of undesirable adult traits, or assuming that children are stupid. actually, our most difficult students are the ones with strict parents... most of the "bad" kids mimicking their parents bad behavior can be convinced to change their ways, but the kids with strict parents are usually so confused and nervous that its hard to get them to listen at all.

source: ive spent the last 10 years (often successfully) teaching 3-5 year olds to be nice, and then watching them watch their parents behave otherwise. im a kindergarten teacher.

edit: one more thing: regardless of your discipline technique, PLEASE make sure that your children understand WHY what they did was not ok. if they dont know WHY, then youre just a big person being inexplicably mean to them.





senatorson  ·  4540 days ago  ·  link  ·  
It's pretty amazing the amount of patience it takes to be a good parent. There is literally no greater challenge that I've had in my life. I feel as though I'm doing a damn good job thus far and it has everything to do with patience and taking the time to describe "why" I am asking them to do something. If you are quick to anger then your child will be quick to anger. If you have no patience, how can you ask patience of your child? The apple and the tree, right?
thenewgreen  ·  4651 days ago  ·  link  ·  
Makes sense to me. My daughter is at an interesting age though, she's 14 months. She can't communicate exactly what she wants, which frustrates her. She started throwing little "fits" throwing her head back and fake crying. Instead of caving to her whims, I have been setting her down in a chair or on the couch and saying "calm down" or "it's okay" in a soothing voice. When she is calm again I pick her up, give her affection and move on to an activity to keep her busy. It seems to be working.

I talk with her all the time and explain things to her. Today we were outside going from tree to tree feeling the bark and I was explaining "texture" to her. She only knows about 20-30 words but still I know she learns when I do it. She is seriously brilliant. I'm having a blast. I will always explain why what she did was either good or not good. I think its important that they know why they are being praised as much as why they aren't.

Thanks for the response, I appreciate all the advice.

fr33lunch  ·  4650 days ago  ·  link  ·  
Communication is an interesting thing. It isn't as if she can't communicate her thoughts--you just haven't leare ned her language...and she can't speak yours yet.

A friend of my wife and I taught her daughter sign language from about the first few weeks on. Before Sofia could even walk, she was signing that she was hungry, or that she was done eating, or wanted more to drink. She had the tools to communicate in a language that could be understood.

Now obviously, this has little impact on child who may be feeling more complex emotions than they themselves can interpret and communicate. However, as a theory, I would suggest that Sofia will grow up having a confidence that her efforts at communication are fruitful more than not. I believe would alleviate some of the frustration, which would foster better communication and so on and so on.

thenewgreen  ·  4650 days ago  ·  link  ·  
Yeah, we did similarly. She has abeen signing "more" since before she was born and now she just says "more". She actually has an extrememly advanced vocabulary for her age, it's the "complex" communications, like you suggest, that are frustrating to her. She can say "more", "I want that", "up or down", "no thank you" though more often just "no". She say "bottle" and "water" etc. But she can't yet say, "but I want to have your cell phone, why can't I" and this is when she gets upset.
fr33lunch  ·  4647 days ago  ·  link  ·  
Good luck! I know you guys are doing great things. Be sure to give her a hug from us both.