Thanks, lil. I'm getting married next month. For years, I've maintained that marriage is vestigial, unnecessary, and an affront to women's rights. I'm not totally sold that those things are untrue, but I still feel I'm making a good choice. My wife-to-be is a successful designer, and on her way to becoming a top manager at a giant company. I don't feel that I'm encumbering her form doing that, so my reservations about being a head-of-household-traditional-patriarch type of guy are allayed. I think we have a thing where we can support each other without being taxing or burdensome. This isn't a situation I imagined myself in even one year ago. It's kind of incredible the sharp turns you can take in life. Like the author, I also come from a household of divorce, and I think that gives one a skeptical eye toward marriage. But I also think that my skeptical eye has made me incredibly selective. I'm definitely not an absolutist, even if my sometimes hyperbolic way of speaking makes me appear that way. All the while that I maintained that marriage wasn't for me, I knew there was an exception to that rule, should I ever find anyone whom I loved who also met some criteria that I defined fro myself (this may sound too calculating, and maybe it is, but everyone has their own way of doing things, right?--not sure there's a right or wrong way in this instance). I can't say I'm without reservation, but my reservations seem small, and they weigh pretty low on the pro/con scale. Mostly at this point I'm just fucking sick of talking about weddings. I'll admit that I was wrong about getting married, but I was spot-fuckin'-on about what a horrible waste of time and money a wedding is (not to mention how easily damaged everyone's feelings are, and how many opinions women can have about the most trivial bullshit--but anyway, it's in Maui, so I can't really complain too much :)
It can be pretty useful legally for a couple with combined financials to be married when an unfortunate situation arises dealing with HIPAA regulations. Knowing the above was one of the biggest hurdles for me understanding why marriage is important to the LGBT communities. All I could think in my head was, "Why would anyone want to get validated with a marriage by a system that was repressive?" Now in light of legal realities of long-term companionship ... I get it.
Mostly at this point I'm just fucking sick of talking about weddings. I'll admit that I was wrong about getting married, but I was spot-fuckin'-on about what a horrible waste of time and money a wedding is (not to mention how easily damaged everyone's feelings are, and how many opinions women can have about the most trivial bullshit--but anyway, it's in Maui, so I can't really complain too much :)
Totally agree. The very first thing my mother-in-law said to us when we told her we were going to get married was, "Don't sit me next to your step mother." Luckily we were able to do our wedding for a reasonable amount, but not before getting advice such as, "You should just take out a $20,000 loan for it. You're going to be in debt anyway, might as well start now"