There's a quote (actually two) from my all-time favorite book; Ender's Game, that I wish more people would take to heart. "In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. And then, in that very moment when I love them.... I destroy them." "Perhaps it's impossible to wear an identity without becoming what you pretend to be"
Ender's Game is easily one of my top 10 favorite novels. If I ever doubt the ability or intelligence of children I'll re-read it. I empathized with Ender more than a little bit growing up, always being told I was 'special' and, because of the minor persecution complex I had as a kid, felt like I was thrown to the wolves, or Bonzo's of my school, not that we had much actual bullying. Reading the other stuff, Speaker for the Dead, and the rest of the series, I empathize with adult Ender a lot less, but I still respect those books as just very well written and conceptually very interesting pieces of literature. Personally, I use Card's hierarchy of 'otherness,' Utlanning, Framling, Raman and Varelse when I meet people, especially those from cultures I understand poorly. I have yet to meet a genuine 'Varelse' but I see them on TV, specifically Fox, CNN, etc. So called 'True Aliens' whose motivations and way of being is just completely unintelligible to me.