I wish I could form an opinion on the #notallmen #yesallwomen thing. On the one hand, #notallmen is a clumsy approach at solidarity. On the other hand, #yesallwomen is a clumsy counterapproach at solidarity. it feels like one side is trying to say "sorry this happened, we aren't all terrible assholes" but the other side counters with "we know you're not all terrible assholes, but every single one of us has suffered from a terrible asshole at some point." I think it's valuable for women to remind men that sexism and gender violence is alive and well in 2014. I wish there were a way to do it without assigning blame. I also understand that the people who most need to hear it are the ones who think they're blameless... but I'm not sure how you get through that and I'm not sure the #yesallwomen approach is the best... but I can think of no way to improve it. Using the word "nigger" or "faggot" in a comment results in an instant ban in /r/movies. Using the word retard results in an immediate comment removal. The counterargument is that both words have been reclaimed by their respective cultures... but the counterargument to that is that neither word has lost its hurtfulness and that "reclaiming" is a sad alternative to "retiring." On the one hand, 8bit could scrawl "you insensitive racist cracker mutherfuckers" underneath the bathroom graffiti. Would it change anything? Maybe. On the other hand, should he bear that shit on his shoulders? fuck no; he's got plenty on his plate. So you're left hoping that somebody in a position to actually alter someone's behavior does so, and left realizing that if you're hoping for someone else to do something about it you're letting it happen. So in the end I'm just left feeling bad because a misogynist I don't know shot up a bunch of other people I don't know and blamed it on a lack of tail and what the fuck am I supposed to do about it? It's like those rape awareness marches on campus: hey, I'm sorry you all run the risk of rape but I haven't so much as kissed one of you yet so why exactly are you explicitly forbidding me from joining your vigil? Right, because I'm a guy, and I'm the enemy, and because you know I'd use this as an opportunity to pick up chicks. Which makes me a sexist, and in the end everyone's pissed off at everyone else because the targets of their rage are unavailable.
Those words shouldn't be used for a very simple reason. When someone uses those words, they put themselves at odds with those who are offended by those words... by not using those words they are at odd with no one and experience concordUsing the word "nigger" or "faggot" in a comment results in an instant ban in /r/movies. Using the word retard results in an immediate comment removal. The counterargument is that both words have been reclaimed by their respective cultures... but the counterargument to that is that neither word has lost its hurtfulness and that "reclaiming" is a sad alternative to "retiring."
feminism is about equality. How can you say younger feminists have lost "perspective", when you're not demonstrating one yourself? Without generalizing every single young feminist in the world your narrow scope falls apart. Maybe you get that vibe because you admit you have an agenda of male politics vs female politics? You seem to complain about being excluded or singled out by feminists, yet you're doing exactly what you disparage! Unbelievable.I resonate very strongly with equity feminism, but not gender feminism.
There's a reason why I much prefer the material put out by many older feminists instead of the younger. I think the younger movement has lost perspective.
I don't want to hear about how I'm a terrible person because I don't run around pushing their agenda when they don't run around pushing mine (male politics vs female).
I know it sounds ridiculous, and I'm not sure whether or not you meant this as a joke when you first wrote it, but this shit does happen. I've had one roommate who used to declare that women who spoke up for women's rights were feminazis and another who would use those sorts of grievances as a way to appear as a good listener and end up in bed with their tellers. </tangent>Right, because I'm a guy, and I'm the enemy, and because you know I'd use this as an opportunity to pick up chicks.
I was totally serious. At my school, at least, they held that rally two weeks into the Fall quarter. You barely know the kid you're sharing a dorm room with, half the "parties" you get invited to are some form of YoungLife or Christian Campus Crusade trying to convert you to Jeezus, you've somehow ended up with four credit cards (because hey - free T-shirt!) and they invite all the girls to come out to a thing that you actually support but you, as a male, better goddamn well stay away. It always seemed exceptionally cruel to me. I mean, what's wrong with "Hey, aren't you in my English class? Look at that! We're both against date rape! Wanna get coffee some time?" but instead the message is "all these men you're surrounded by are potential rapists. It's so bad we can't say this stuff in their presence, or even during the day. Watch yourself, girls, for there are monsters in the deep." Which meant the dorms filled with awkward conversations like this: "So... how was your... rape thing?" "Get away from me, male oppressor, I have a bra to burn." "Right. If you need me, I'll be playing Doom with my shitty Packard Bell speakers turned up to eleven."
Shitty people exist, but someone shouldn't be punished for having the potential to be a shitty person. Let someone's own words and actions define them.but this shit does happen.
I don't know that I'd call it punishment, though. There's a huge difference between calling an individual sexist and requesting they give you space to feel comfortable among your own gender. A public vigil may be pushing the grey area slightly, but if you think of it as an extension of women's circles, it makes sense.