I think that a lot of people feel like this and personally, I'm not a fan. Phone calls are more human than texting because the participants get to hear each other's voices and the nuances of their speech. Plus, when it's over, it's gone (unless you've recorded it). The way things are now, a phone call means that someone needs something and if people are only calling each other when they need something, why answer the phone at all? I've heard some make the argument that phone calls are slow, but to me it makes sense to take some time to communicate. The other thing I don't like about texting is that it lends itself to attribution errors and it's there to be read and re-read until it's become something much more than it might have ever been intended to be. I guess it's what we've got for the foreseeable future, but I don't think I'll ever be satisfied with it. Again, I feel like a lot of people subscribe to this and I don't like it. Not caring about things doesn't lend anyone power, but it does help people be jerks to each other. Power is dynamic, not static. Withholding things to gain control greatly limits interactions and possible outcomes. As part of a social toolkit, I think it's fine, but if it's the only thing in the box, then I think that's a problem. I'm not at all saying that I think that's the case for you, but it does seem like I've met a whole lot of people with that one hammer who wonder why things fall apart so often. In my experience in other cultures, a universal thing seems to be that males are expected to initiate interaction, but females are expected to be the ones that communicate. Everyone walks around with biases and expectations, even if they're unaware of what they entail. I suppose those guys you're talking about had certain expectations that you didn't fulfill. Personally, I'd think that that would be a good entry point for a conversation about expectations. People's expectations can tell us a whole lot about them, after all.So I guess my stance on phone calls is I don't make them - unless I need something immediately, like directions or someone isn't answering their texts. I'll take them, sure, if it's convenient, and I'll talk for as long as the conversation goes on, but I could take 'em or leave 'em on the whole.
I've always thought that the person who cared less had more power. Not caring about texts/contact was in my mind an outcrop of that.
Though recently it's come to my attention that some guys I are perhaps a bit thrown that I don't initiate texting them.
I think the argument that phone calls are slow is silly. It's much easier to provide detailed, longer blocks of information over the phone. There were times that I resented the implication of a phone call (this related to the boy that broke me in to phone calls). A phone call expects you to be immediately available, willing to drop what you're doing, and talk to whoever's calling for an unknown period of time. In a way when you make a phone call you're assuming the other person is free enough to do those things and likes you enough that they'll do them. That might sound like a weird assessment. I don't know. On the other hand, I'm having a bit of a communication issue with someone, and I'm trying to blame it on the fact that it's been over text message. Otherwise this person may end up being annoying in person as well, a recent development. I'll report back when I can. We can see if it's all the text messages' fault. I try to be cautious but genuine in my dating habits. I hate feeling like an idiot. Always being the one to reach out, or texting often without getting responses, make me feel like maybe the guy's not that into me. It's more about protecting myself from becoming overly invested and/or just feeling dumb because the guy's ignoring me than about actual withholding/power struggles with me. If a guy I like texts me, I text him back. If I have something to text him about, I'll text him. But I'll certainly stop texting him long before I have my third rum-and-diet and think that sending four texts in a row is a great idea. Because tomorrow morning it won't feel that way to me. I guess I more accurately meant "more power to walk away." "More power to avoid getting hurt" or "more power over one's choices" as opposed to "more power over the other person." It sucks to be toyed with and played. As for those guys, they are both former interests on my side but apparently - not so former - on theirs. They both burned through their chances so I'd cut contact. I guess I was supposed to get drunk and tell them I missed them or something. One texted me drunk and I responded in the hopes of mending bridges and that opened a floodgate of hit-ups. Like as soon as he heard from me the doors were open. So it's not really an opportunity to talk about expectations with either as there aren't any, but I was surprised by how one response seemed to easily spur both on. I don't know.
I can only go on what you're saying, but this: ¦it's not really an opportunity to talk about expectations with either as there aren't any, but I was surprised by how one response seemed to easily spur both on.¦ and this: ¦As for those guys, they are both former interests on my side but apparently - not so former - on theirs. They both burned through their chances so I'd cut contact. I guess I was supposed to get drunk and tell them I missed them or something. One texted me drunk and I responded in the hopes of mending bridges and that opened a floodgate of hit-ups. Like as soon as he heard from me the doors were open.¦ don't seem to agree with each other. Clearly, there are still expectations, if only of opportunity and availability on their side. That "flood of hit-ups" seemed counter to your expectations as well. Edit: I guess I don't have the ability to quote on my phone. You get the idea . . .