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comment by _refugee_

    the fact that many hyper-promiscuous people have low self-esteem and are using sex to assuage that.

Say what now?

It would be more accurate to say that "it appears that more promiscuous females have lower self esteeem." It's certainly far from a fact, and it's not a fact that they are using sex to assuage that.





istara  ·  3707 days ago  ·  link  ·  

From that study you quoted:

> Results showed that low global self-esteem increased the likelihood of suicidal thoughts, being bullied in school, alcohol consumption in boys, and risky sexual behavior in girls.

I'll go with that. I have no issue with acknowledging that it's far more - or nearly exclusively - a correlation for females. Certainly I've observed it more, if not exclusively, in females. Perhaps they're not actively using it to assuage it, maybe it just makes them easier targets. Same result either way.

I guess I put "people" because I've become hyper sensitive about making gender generalisations due to the current fervid outrage against them (and accusations of "slut shaming" about saying anything perceived as negative about women and sexual issues).

I've always believed it should be possible to be completely confident in ones sexuality and as promiscuous as you please, in a totally healthy and positive way.

The reality is that I have personally never met or heard of anyone hyper promiscuous (in terms of endless one night stands with strangers, relationships never lasting more than weeks, large amounts of casual partners) who didn't have some kind of issue.

In retrospect I think it's because healthy minded people tend to eventually meet the same and fall into more permanent relationships with them. If you're having amazing sex, and getting on well, it tends to be that most people cement that. (Same goes for polyamory and even swinging - it's still all quite structured and controlled, not completely indiscriminate).

_refugee_  ·  3707 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I confess I was interested to know what your defintion of "hyper-promiscuity" was and how it differed from "promiscuity."

I have a very feminist and so-on friend who believes just the word "promiscuous" is loaded. This seems relevant to me because it seems almost like you are using "hyper-promiscuous" to mean what "promiscuous" really should mean, but the word has been warped by society and puritannical elements to mean - well, more sex than maybe we're comfortable with.

To be fair, there may be people who don't want permanent relationships who have nothing wrong with them (though could an argument be made that simply not wanting permanent relationships is a problem in and of itself? -please don't tell me! (just kidding) ). I'm glad you mentioned polyamory and included it under that umbrella. It would have been a counter-point I'd have offered up if you had not.

kleinbl00  ·  3707 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    The reality is that I have personally never met or heard of anyone hyper promiscuous (in terms of endless one night stands with strangers, relationships never lasting more than weeks, large amounts of casual partners) who didn't have some kind of issue.

Both "having sex" and "having a relationship" involve emotional groundwork. The latter tends to diminish the effort for the former. If you're jettisoning your "relationships" regularly you're putting in an awful lot of "needless" effort from an economic point of view. It's an irrational choice that only makes sense if there is a unique draw to the initial groundwork of having sex or a unique repulsion to the repeated groundwork of having a relationship. As flirtation doesn't necessarily have to result in copulation for the endorphins to flow, the latter is a more likely explanation.