One of my coworkers died a couple years ago.
He was one of our team members in Argentina. We stopped hearing from him for a couple days, which was very unlike him. It turned out he had died of a heart attack.
The miles suddenly mattered. I would work with this guy every day, lots of chat. Suddenly he was too far away for any of us to attend the funeral -- Mendoza was as far away from Boston as Moscow, even if it was only one time zone ahead.
I was a little freaked out that he had died from working too hard. I was worried that I was working too hard as well. My boss explained that he was corpulent, more so than in his possibly doctored IM icon.
I've been to the funeral of a co-worker myself and I've felt strange about it for a while. I mentioned this situation in another thread, that I can't seem to find at the moment, but long story short: I was told that my best friend was in an accident, then when I showed up to the hospital it turned out that it was a guy that had just joined our team. Also, due to the way things are done in Vietnam, I ended up paying for all of the treatment out of pocket, since my company wanted no part of it and there was no one else who could show up.
The funeral itself though, bothered me perhaps as much as the rest of the ordeal though in a much more subtle way. One of the things that bothered me was that a different co-worker made this long, grandiloquent speech about the character of our deceased co-worker and what he meant to everyone in the office. I suppose I could have said some words, but I'd declined since I really didn't know him that well, having only known him for three months at the most.
The other thing that bothered me was that the branch manager flagrantly misrepresented how much the company had done for the deceased to the deceased's family, which was immediately followed by a point-blank request that the family reimburse me (this of course, was my introduction to said family). So, I had to stand there and come up with a list of expenses then and there and also discuss the transfer of his personal effects to them as well as the fact that I had received them soaked in his urine.
My point is, what I really connected with in the piece, (aside from the topic) was that work-place relationships are so odd because they are contrived by circumstance and necessity in a way that makes clear our connections to each other within our roles, but rarely addresses who we are to each other as people, since during our time in the office we are not exactly people in the sense that we are people outside of the office. When a death does occur, it forces us to confront this fact and it makes most of us very uncomfortable, which of course tends to lead us back to thinking about ourselves instead of the person who has died, or their family.
I get why it happens and I understand that life (and more importantly to many companies: business) must go on, but I really feel like the ways that I've seen death handled in the workplace tends to create cracks in the social foundations of the organizations-- at least for those affected by the death. Personally, I sometimes wonder if that event contributed to my decision to get out of that line of work. Either way, it's not something I'd much care to go back to.
- “I keep making these pledges to get to know people here,” she says, “and then in the very next second I know that I’m not going to, that it’s too hard. At least back in Australia I have family waiting for me at the end of the day.”
This is one of the most powerful points of this article. People think they know the people that they work with but most people don't really know their co-workers outside of work. People have families and other stuff to do after work and a lot of the time it seems like people would rather just not bother. Working somewhere where you already have a base is a huge plus and something that I don't think is emphasized by most people.
- Working somewhere where you already have a base is a huge plus and something that I don't think is emphasized by most people.
I'd say that this is true and especially in the US. However, the other day I was listening to NPR and a story came on about unemployed people in Andalusia and how a significant portion elected to remain there and take up jobs like picking olives, rather than going to be aircraft technicians in Germany. Then again, the family and extended family tend to be much closer in Spain than in the US.
In general, I'd say from what I've observed and experienced, social bonds in many other countries tend to be much stronger than in the US. Here, people call each other friends quite often, but the substance of that friendship seems to be thin. There are a whole lot of lonely people in America, even if they're rarely ever alone.
I'd even extend it beyond family and include friends into that category. Personally I think it's a fairly noble thing to stay close to your friends and family. I value those connections more than a job, which was a big factor for next internship. I choose a lower paying job in an area where I have more friends living and working/going to college.
The issue of loneliness ties into this submission I made a few weeks ago. I think a lot of it goes back to people valuing jobs or money or having a necessity to get the best job possible that prevents a lot of friendships from extending into life beyond schooling. I really hope to have a full-time job after college that is an area where a lot of my friends or family lives.
From the sounds of it, you and I have somewhat different situations. For me, my friends and family are scattered around the globe and the likelihood of them ever coalescing into one geographic region is slim to none. Part of that is because I've traveled a lot and the people I care about are also people with interests and passions that take them to distant places where they sometimes decide to put down roots.
However, wherever I do end up, I hope that it will be a place where I can make a lot of friends and build some kind of community. I guess that's something my family and friends have in common: a strong drive to build community of some kind, either on a large scale or through small groups with close bonds. Like many of my friends, I'm at an age where I'm taking a stab at realizing my ambitions and realizing that it might be a while yet before I find the next place I'll call "home".
I don't know that it's necessarily noble to want to stay geographically close to one's kith and kin, but it's certainly something I want for myself. Anyway, for both of us, I hope that the professional side and the personal side can be reconciled. It's tough, but you're right: it's worth it.
I have friends scattered all over the place, but there is a large concentration in two cities in particular. You have definitely spent a lot more time traveling to a lot more places than I have.
It's funny that you mention building communities. Two of my roommates and I have been building a community within our city and now across a couple of cities in terms of local music and fans of local music. It all started with our record label which is now turning into a collective of sorts for friends and fans and is gaining some momentum in a couple of places.
It's getting there. We put out our 4th release on the 14th, and have another release coming out next month. We've had 2 concerts with one more lined up in January and another in February. It's all about keeping the momentum going and continuing to put out releases while unifying the part of the scene that we want to work with, which is the hardest part. It's also hard since I'm moving away from the other two guys for 6 months for a job so that will be interesting. I'm hoping to get some shows lined up out in Boston which is close to where I'll be.
That's cool. You might hit up WERS (Emerson College Radio), which is right next to the Loews Cinemas close to the corner of Boylston and Tremont in downtown Boston. The Boylston green line stop is right across the street. Link. Unfortunately, I don't know anyone at WERS anymore, but a lot of people listen to WERS, so it might be worth a shot.
You might also see if the Cantab Lounge would be into it. They put on all kinds of stuff. Mostly I've been there to see poetry readings, but they do music too. Don't forget that Berklee and NEC are in the city and that means that their bulletin boards have all kinds of flyers for shows put on by students, alums and professors, so there'll be a lot of places on those that might be open to your thing.
Where exactly is the job, if you don't mind me asking?
I already plan on getting in touch with them, WERS is one of my favorite college stations in the country. Are you from the Boston area? You seem to know a good deal about it.
That lounge looks cool too, I'll add it my list of venues in Boston. I'm up to about 10 between Boston/Cambridge at this point.
The job itself is in Andover, so not terribly close but not far enough away that I can't go into the city on nights. I've got an apartment up there which should be cool since Boston, Portsmouth, and Portland are all close enough to frequent.
I graduated from Emerson in '07 and right now I'm really close to Portsmouth. Not a whole lot going on in the region, so yeah, I've spent considerable time getting to know both :). Portland just started taking off within the last 10 years, so I don't really know it. I hear good things though.
Oh wow, no way! Portsmouth has a few breweries that I want to check out, so at least it has that going. Portland is a great area, I've been there a couple of times over the last few years since I know some people that live around that city. It's got some great beaches, restaurants, and a lot of cool little stores hidden around.
Let me know if you ever want to get together over the next few months, maybe we could try to have a New England Hubski meetup.
I really liked Portland when I lived there briefly. There were some awesome record shops and comic book shops. I wish I would've been there for the summer though. I heard its fantastic.
You guys should def put on a northeastern meetup. If it's during the summer I might make the trip out there. I've had my fill of cold weather for now.
Yeah man. shoot me some mail with some possibilities and maybe we can grab a drink or two.
Oh, that reminds me. Is the Thirsty Moose Taphouse on your list? Last year I talked to someone who said she was a part-owner of the place and she mentioned that they're always looking to book musicians, though she did say that they had a lot lined up at the time.
That place was not on my list, but I'm adding it since they seem to have a great beer selection. I'll send you mail and we can figure it out from there, I'm free most weekends though.
I really need to get a live setup going for my electronic music.