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comment by b_b
b_b  ·  4710 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: The Case Against Marriage - The Daily Beast
I agree that marriage is silly. I have a live-in GF, and neither of us seems to want to make it legal. My brother got married, because otherwise his wife would have had to go back to Japan, so it was a practical consideration. But outside those type of circumstances, I think the wedding itself is what drives marriages at this point. My experience, from the friends and family whose weddings I've observed, has been that as soon as an engagement happens, full planning mode begins: food tasting, hall choosing, music selection, and, of course, the dress. Its a sickness that women suffer from because they're engendered to want that from the time they are conscious of the world around them.

Historically, it seems to me that marriage was (and still is in some primitive places) just another form of subjugation, more akin to slavery than love (for instance inter-spousal rape wasn't a crime in most states until the 1970s or 80s). The woman was passed from being owned by her father to her husband, and for taking on this "burden", the husband was compensated in the form of a dowry.

Admittedly, I am from a household of divorce, so I think that my view on the topic has been soured, but I just can't find any objective reason why we still do this, unless its to pacify one's religious guilt, which, thankfully, I don't suffer from.





thenewgreen  ·  4710 days ago  ·  link  ·  
The actual "wedding" has certainly gotten out of hand. I've been to weddings that have easily cost $75k just for one day. I've also been to some that probably cost less than $2k and were more fun. I don't think that someone needs to have a big wedding or any wedding at all. A legally binding contract with someone else isn't needed to show that you are committed to them.

Though, at times you may be more inclined to leave a relationship if that "contract" wasn't in place. Sometimes, there is some light at the end of dark tunnels... you know what I mean? These days people hit a rough patch and scram, when anyone in a long term relationship knows that sometimes it's the rough patches that give a great friendship/relationship/marriage context and marrow.

b_b  ·  4710 days ago  ·  link  ·  
I'm definitely mixed on the idea of forever. I have had several multi-year monogamous relationships, and I've enjoyed my time in each of them. But, eventually they always collapse for one reason or another (probably boredom). I like the ideal of one person whom you can rely on forever, but practically speaking I just can't see it working for me. Maybe you just know when you know, as they say.
thenewgreen  ·  4710 days ago  ·  link  ·  
Maybe. I think anyone that says "this is the way", is lost. That goes for marriage and just about everything else too. You're the only person that knows the answer to these types of questions, no one can tell you to marry, divorce, stay single etc with any sort of authority.