The Question --- It's not so much the renting of the room that was the beginning for _refugee_ - it was the moving out of that boyfriend's house. The boyfriend, who is old enough to seem protective - but it's a rare person who is protective without also being controlling. Moving away from whoever or whatever is controlling us (parents, boyfriend, girlfriend, job, school, military, addictions) feels like the beginning of personhood. --- Because when you do that, when you move away from whatever you think is controlling you, then you are recognizing your participation in your own subjugation. --- It's a negotiation that goes on our whole lives as we slip from autonomy to interdependence. --- zebra2 sums it up nicely: --- But it wasn't the essential start of selfhood. Maybe the start, my very first identity-defining, selfhood-enhancing moment was in kindergarten: The teacher said, "Bring your chairs to the big blue circle." We picked up our little chairs and placed them around the circle. During those few minutes of moving and settling, I could see a space across the circle -- a space between the two boys I liked. When the teacher turned her back to go to the blackboard, I picked up my chair and scooted across the circle. I could change my surroundings to improve my social currency. I could opt for a better position. --- Note: it was easier then to pick up a chair and move. Years go by and I need to change my surroundings, over and over, dragging a whole lot more stuff behind me. --- Years more go by and I'm shedding all that stuff, becoming lighter and lighter, eventually floating away altogether.When was that moment, for you? The one that you believe defines the break, the essential start, of your self- and adult-hood?
I had a super grown-up moment when I bought a fridge.
I bought a fridge recently too. It's a nice feeling.