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comment by kleinbl00
kleinbl00  ·  363 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: February 21, 2018

The best thing you can do is love him unconditionally, support him every way you can, and encourage him when he's doing well.

Funks/depression are internally regulated and internally self-sustaining. If he veers in a new direction that strikes you as even a tiny bit positive, encourage it.

We can't dig others out of their own holes. All we can do is let them know there's a loving world outside.

elizabeth  ·  363 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yeah, sounds about right. Whenever I try to help I fear it comes of more as "why haven't you done this yet" than the "let me help you out with this" that I intend. I'll let him figure it out on his own, hopefully he does :) It's mostly being unfulfilled work-wise than anything, so maybe being encouraging of the side-projects will help!

goobster  ·  362 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Good call. Because he isn't stupid. He knows he is in a funk. So your offer to help will go through his internal filters and be translated as, "You are a failure, and even I can see this, so you need my help."

And he is not where he can hear your help for what it is: A genuine expression of love and support. He will hear it as an attack.

I know from experience.

This is what ended my first marriage.

tacocat  ·  363 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I can only speak for myself but when I was too depressed to move last spring, if my girlfriend had just held me I would have felt a lot better. And might not have been arrested shortly after that started...