Not that it bugs me mind you, or hurts my ears, it's just so close, so distinct. They're normally very hard to hear, if not completely silent. So to hear one at all, let alone so close to me, is a bit of a treat though I'll admit I was a bit startled at first.
The world is absolutely alive tonight. Cicadas have joined in with the chorus of frogs and crickets. Some neighbor, about three or four blocks away is setting off their leftover fireworks. A neighborhood dog barks in response to each crackle and boom and the other dogs in the neighborhood quickly join in. My dog is inside, silent and sleeping.
She's been sick these past few days, but is recovering quite well. She even felt like playing a bit last night, which is a good sign. I was sick with worry about her. She's still so young and strong. To see her slow, lethargic, it was scary. It really struck home how much she means to me, though I'd have been more than happy to come to that realization without her being sick.
The older I get, the more wonderful things come into my life. My wife and her family, my friends, my dog, my car. I worry about them and their well being, selfishly sometimes. Losing any of them would be too much to handle. I don't think I could let go. It's a problem I have. I worry and I think having so much to lose gives me so much cause to worry.
Lately I've been looking back at the days shortly after I dropped out of college more fondly. Times were hard, I had so little, but at the same time I felt so free. I could lose my job, my place could burn down, and I really wouldn't be that much worse off. Over the years though I've worked so hard, collected so much stuff, comics, books, music, movies, antiques. On and on. With the exception of what I give away freely as gifts, I cling so tenaciously onto what I have, not wanting to let go.
I'm changing that though. I recycled three dusty old desktops the other week and it felt good. I have three more to get rid of once I dig them out and I look forward to getting rid of them too. I have friend who I've been trying to get together with this past month or so, I want to give him some of my old comics. Plans keep falling through, but every time we make new plans I add a few more to the table. They're not all A+ must have titles of course, but his collection is small and could use a boost. Just thinking about finally giving them to him feels so amazing.
This is going on too long. My wife poked her head out, asking me when I'm coming in. A minute. I have more I want to say, about jobs, about moving, simplicity, poverty, honest living. I'll leave it alone for now. Typing in the phone is hard.
Besides, the frogs are putting on quite a show tonight. It'd be rude not to sit still and listen for a bit.