Last full time job. Orientation, some executive dude making a presentation. Introduces himself as being married to a beautiful wife, he has two small children... And I'm sitting in the back of the room thinking, f*cker, if I wanted to know about your sex life and mating habits, I would've asked you. If someone were polyamorous, into BDSM, is a house slave bottom... If that person had told the orientation people their sexual habits and marital status, that would've been seen as obscene or inappropriate. Every time someone asks me about my family, things get awkward. Father died when I was a small child. Mother committed suicide. Older brothers sexually molested their sister. Cults. Stabbings. And all sorts of other stuff I won't mention. Running with Scissors is my spirit book. I've learned the best way to deal with questions about family is to say, "If I answer that, conversation may get uncomfortable. Care to talk about something else?"
A coworker who I liked and was close enough for her to make the following observation about me once said, "_refugee_, I hope my kids never feel about me the way you do about your mom." This was without me ever getting into much detail about my past wrt my mother, just relating my day-to-day existence over 18 months, during which (of course) my mother occasionally popped up. Without even thinking I told her, "Just be a good mother." Now that's one of those responses that in retrospect I realized could be mega awkward, and was certainly very telling. I considered it after I heard it come out of my mouth, though, in the 30 seconds or so that a conversation allows you to turn over what's been spoken, and I shrugged and realized that I still found it true. Yeah, when someone asks me about my family, I tell them about my siblings or my cats.
I can relate. Contract job I had few years ago, boss dude, without me ever mentioning family, declared that I grew up poor, abused (why is it that I STILL can't hide this?), and started making all sorts of judgments about me, proselytizing, criticizing food choices I ate, saying I was making choices like a poor person... He was born rich. Job didn't last long. For a number of years, I would make up stories about where I came from, like I was hatched, parents were spies masquerading as world class tennis players, and the like. Somehow that would make the conversation just as awkward as when I'd tell the truth. Some people just don't appreciate creativity. =)
The best way to deal with questions about family is to find or found a family you care about. I got nothin' on you but years. I can say that I relate to a degree and leave it at that. So allow me to point out, as one survivor to another, that "family" is anyone you care about and you aren't required to stick with the one you were born with. It's good to have family. It makes things easier. And it makes you less likely to resent people for telling you that their family is important to them. Your bliss is out there. The less attention you give to the rear view the more you can see out the windshield.
I've been remiss in not replying to this. I've been busy. Sorry. You aren't your environment. You are your aspirations. If you aspire to be other than someone who waits hours at the food bank, show that side to other people and you'll be surprised the support you encounter. Good luck.Quite honestly, I don't think I'd trust anyone who'd want to be friends with me the way my life is right now.
Fair enough. It is odd how your "friends" abandon you when you choose to stop drinking/drugging but it happens all the time. I can relate and would not do it with other people either even though that may be to better way to go. To be fair, any one that works in a non-profit has the best intentions of their clients at heart, in my experience. I have worked in food banks and other places like that and they can be amazingly positive. No one there will judge you and so please do take advantage of those services.