This. I always hear (Because I'm in treatment for depression) life isn't all happy all the time, there will be conflicts. But then I also hear that I should go out of my way to avoid conflict, just be smooth and agreeable with all people, be 'pleasant' (I use quotes because someone being falsely agreeable with me I see as unpleasant.)Perhaps their reactions made you feel like an asshole because you brought a conflict where they thought there wouldn't be one.
Well, saying commands like "avoid conflict" or "engage people" is kind of worthless. The point is to develop your emotional intelligence to the point where you can distinguish between situations where you should keep your mouth shut and be supportive or perhaps swallow your pride, and those when you need to be heard. Emotional intelligence, so I'm told, is more common in leaders and correlates to life success better than traditional intelligence (e.g. problem solving capability). The key is to be sensitive to others whenever possible, even jerks who you don't think are worthy of your empathy. Everyone has a unique and unlikely story, and everyone who's in a bad mood has a history that has put them there. There are no directives about how to engage people that will work in life, because no two situations are the same.
Exactly! My mindful response to a stressor is what I stated above. If I can do something about it, do something about it and stop worrying. If I can't do anything about it, stop worrying. So when I see someone who is just stressing themselves (And me in the case of Ex 2) out, I can't fathom why they can't just let it go, it seems toxic as fuck.