I totally relate. That's where I am right now, too. I know that putting someone else first right now would mean sacrifices I'm not willing to make, so I'm not sure I'm far enough in my own evolution to be in love. That doesn't mean I can't keep enjoying my relationship and considering it "loving" if not "in-love," for as long as the other person is willing to tolerate my not being in-love, but the big epiphany of all of these descriptions of love is that I don't feel them right now not because I'm incapable of any/all of them, but because some part of me recognizes that I AM capable of all of them and that I need a little more time to become a person I'm ready to offer to a love partner before I WANT to feel those things.
Hopefully the person you're with is in the same space psychologically. If he/she is then I'm sure it will mature over time. In the end, that may be a healthy approach to a long-term bond.
For a lot of reasons that are his business and not mine to share, I don't think it's exactly the same, but I've gotten comfortable with the fact that either possible outcome will end up being good for both of us. If things work out and I can be in love in a selfless way in the future, I really respect his character and trust him to be a person who will accept my love and return it. If not, I think the relationship has helped both of us learn about ourselves, and we're both people who have a history of being able to let go of resentment of past relationships and be friendly toward ex-lovers, so I think if we separate eventually we'll look at our relationship as having been a positive.
Hm. It is a weird part of my character that it is impossible for me to be friends with a girls who have broken up with me. I cut them out and never speak to them again. I don't know exactly why I do it. With girls I've dumped, I don't cut them out, but I don't feel comfortable talking to them or having any type of relationship with them. I think I feel that way because of guilt.