I think I'm in hell.

I am set to watch as every person I've loved goes about their own self destruction with as much vigor as seems imaginable.

My parents keep my rapist brother close and hang out with him because he works maintenance for an airline and gets them cheap cheap flights. I can't even think of how to begin to have a conversation with them about this. 'My brother is a violent rapist and sociopath, who may have tried to kill me by offering to 'fix' my brakes and left the lines open, please hold him to some kind of accountability. Please stop shoving in my face how often you hang out with him because you get to go to Arizona for cheap.'

We took in my dad's old, tubby dog because I have a ramp on my back deck and a fenced in back yard and free time to be with him during the day. He fell on new years day and his hips have been extra fucked since then. He has two rotten claws that my parents either never noticed or never bothered to treat. And yet I get texts from both parents asking me if I'm giving him the pain meds he's on for his hips. We are going to my vet on Monday for an evaluation and plan end of life care because again, I don't even know how to start the conversation with my parents of 'Hey, this dog will be passing away at my house. We need to plan for it, you need to plan on coming to visit if you want to be around before he passes.'

My spouse has decided to once again start fighting with me about stupid daily routine shit, like the months of couples therapy last year we did just didn't happen. And I'm the royal asshole for bringing up 'We have been here before. You did all of these exact things, said all of these exact things before, why are you doing it again?'

Words don't matter. Only force of personality does. Only the ability to coldly manipulate others and have them do what they need to do while believing they came up with the idea themselves. Treating people like self responsible adults only creates more animosity.

The Greeks called Cassandra's Tears a curse. They were wise enough to label the curse of prophecy that, a curse, an affliction. Basic pattern recognition is apparently a miraculous ability.

I feel angry at myself for ever thinking that cattle can be treated like equal, rational actors. People are only as self responsible as they want to be.

I don't know why I bother to push at the dark anymore. The future has no place in it for me or mine.

Edit. I don't expect or want a response. Just screaming into the void and facebook will scream back.