no quid pro quo

For me the nuance I'd add to this is tradeoffs can be ok, but they're done in the open and generally comparable. Not "if you come to Christmas at my parents I'll let you go out with your friends next weekend" but more "I'm training for a marathon which means I'm doing fewer of the communal tasks so I'm going to make sure to give you time for your hobbies when the race is past."

In my mind it's healthy to give up some things I want to do, but drawing the line at things that are important to me even if they aren't essential. Running a marathon is a want. Running at all is important. Doing some organized races is important. Doing a specific one is not.

But even then if I said I wanted to run a marathon next fall and was asked not to, it should be because of something important to them. Like if the race is a Saturday but her brother is getting married Sunday and she doesn't want me to be useless and exhausted at the wedding? Ok. Doesn't want me to because she wants to hold that weekend in case it's peak leaf color change? Not so good.