a thoughtful web.
Good ideas and conversation. No ads, no tracking.   Login or Take a Tour!
comment by Cumol
Cumol  ·  83 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: March 15, 2023

Hey Hubski :)

Ehm... I have ADHD??

Sometime last year, I was reading an article about misdiagnosed ADHD in adults. Going through the list of symptoms, I was kind of shocked that 70% were "definitely" and the rest were somewhere between "sometimes" and "in phases". It made me question the possibility. I was then reminded of how I feel after I take stimulants. Specially on the days after. While many people are just drained, I seem to be quite serene. With a "silent" brain. Anyway. I started to notice more and more, and before I turned it into a self-fulfilling prophecy, I decided to get checked. 6 months and a few doctor visits later, I have my diagnosis.

Since last Friday, I am on medication. 5 mg of Medikinet (Methylphenidate retard), twice a day. The doctor said that I should probably not feel much. But I definitely do. And what I am feeling has gotten me close to tears on multiple occasions the past few days.

I feel it the clearest when I meditate in the morning. I have managed to meditate daily since April last year (missing the occasional weekend or odd day when I overslept). What used to feel like a tropical monsoon of though barrage feels now like rain. I realized that I am living under a constant thin veil of (mainly social) anxiety. Even though it is not completely gone, it is just more tolerable. It's not like a have superpowers or something. I am still doing the same things I do normally, I just don't get completely hijacked by my machine gun like thoughts.

It feels good. With a hint of sadness. Knowing that I have been carrying this my whole life and I could have suffered less.

dublinben  ·  83 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Congratulations! If you're not already familiar, I'd recommend skimming through a copy of Delivered from Distraction and continuing to learn more about ADHD. Understanding what is (and isn't) part of your ADHD experience is the first step to successfully responding to symptoms. That can be with with treatments, coping strategies or just acceptance. Living with ADHD is an ongoing struggle, but it is 100% possible to successfully live a good life, however you define that.

Cumol  ·  83 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Thanks for the recommendation. I will give it a read!

Foveaux  ·  83 days ago  ·  link  ·  

My partner got diagnosed fairly recently, and found the medication has worked wonders. She's a different person. Essentially who she always felt she could be.

I'm really happy for you, I hope this freedom enables you to do great/er things :)

Cumol  ·  83 days ago  ·  link  ·  

"Essentially who she always felt she could be"

This is 100% what I feel like. As if what I know I can do/be finally fits with reality.