a thoughtful web.
Good ideas and conversation. No ads, no tracking.   Login or Take a Tour!
comment by goobster
goobster  ·  1234 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: December 2, 2020

There isn't any "good" way to do it. You have to contravene most best practices to have any sort of anything with family. Every one of these measures is on a scale, of course, but when visiting family at home, ALL of these factors are at the wrong end of the scale. Probability likes it when you only have 1 or 2 factors in the red zone... COVID likes it when you have ALL of these factors in the red zone.

Here's the nuts and bolts of it:

- the vast majority of transmission happens when exposed for a long period of time, in an enclosed space (pretty much defines any visit with family at home)

- wearing a mask mostly protects OTHER people from YOUR virus, but doesn't do much to protect YOU from THEIR virus (so everyone needs to wear a mask, all the time, which isn't going to happen while eating, drinking, talking, doing puzzles, etc.)

- 6-feet of distance is the minimum to help REDUCE the amount of exposure you get... but again, you in an enclosed space (the house/living room) with people for an extended period of time. So social distancing is pretty much useless in this "family having a holiday together" setting.

- a two-week quarantine before anybody hangs out together is ideal, but impractical. Someone is going to break quarantine procedures, and could be exposed.

- and with symptoms appearing as long as 4-5 days after exposure, that "one quick trip" Mom made to pick up more eggs the morning you showed up, could be the moment she was infected, and she spent 4 days spreading it to everyone else in the house before she woke up with a cough, or over-salted the potatoes because they "didn't taste right"...

My sister works in senior care and lives with my parents in their 70s and 80s. The whole family discussed all of these factors before Thanksgiving and decided FUCK IT, and just went with a Zoom call.

I will also point out that maintaining this level of alertness and awareness is completely fucking exhausting and makes the family holiday social time miserable. You get about 1/2 an hour of people sitting in corners of the room, with masks on, trying not to touch the same utensils, glasses, or hors d'oeuvres... and then diligence breaks down. Someone lowers their mask to cough or have a drink. Someone shares a photo on their phone, and hands it to someone else.

And shit breaks down from there.

By the 2-hour mark, everyone is grumpy about everything, and tired of this shit. At that point, either all protections break down, or people start leaving.

Keep this in mind on your six hour drive...

And I'm truly sorry things are this way. But that's just the situation we are all in.





NikolaiFyodorov  ·  1233 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    I will also point out that maintaining this level of alertness and awareness is completely fucking exhausting and makes the family holiday social time miserable. You get about 1/2 an hour of people sitting in corners of the room, with masks on, trying not to touch the same utensils, glasses, or hors d'oeuvres... and then diligence breaks down. Someone lowers their mask to cough or have a drink. Someone shares a photo on their phone, and hands it to someone else.

This is true. To date, it seems the only way to combat it effectively is to take the decision making out of the public's hands by instituting a full scale lockdown with statement of intent to suppress it in the community. And doing that is too much like political suicide for many leaders, given the media and information landscape.

goobster  ·  1233 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Ultimately, the government's role and influence in this pandemic has been completely neutralized. (At least in the USA.) So there will be no way for the government to effectively control any of this.

It will just come down to individual choice and decisions.

It's all in the hands of us individuals, and whether Thanksgiving/Christmas is worth dying for.

user-inactivated  ·  1234 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Thank you, I really appreciate some perspective. I'm really torn between not wanting to take or expose others to unnecessary risks, but also really wanting to see them after this awful autumn.

goobster  ·  1233 days ago  ·  link  ·  

You are welcome. It is a hard decision to make, I know.

I've waffled several times with my family, and always regretted it later. We'd have a nice time, but then I'd be panicked for a week afterwards in case anyone got sick... and what if someone got sick (even through no fault of my own) and died? How could I ever absolve myself of the thought, "I killed my mom/dad/sister/friend."