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comment by veen
veen  ·  2067 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: March 27, 2019

Progress is tedious, arduous, and doubly so if you try to do it entirely on your own. It's taken me the better part of the last decade to go from a sense of worth of, like, sub-zero to a solid 8. For me, progress was based on a few pillars:

1) Gain perspective. Does it make sense that you feel the way you do? I sometimes have the tendency to go from 'small setback' to 'this will never work and doom shall befall upon me' for no reason. It's really hard to see something like that when you're too close to the fire. Good friends can be your emotional fact-checker. Great friends can do that and also steer you in the right direction. Find great friends.

2) Focus on what you have, not what you lack. Focus on actions, not just on feelings. You're still dating. She's replying to you, and it's probably a good conversation at that. She may be busy, she may have stuff going on, she may be someone who needs more time than you do to commit. You don't know. Stick to what you do know.

3) Put yourself out there. Do things despite the feeling that it might fail miserably. Despite your 'spidey sense' being on red alert. Despite your insecurity telling you that you're not good enough, not worthy. Take the (perceived) risk and brace for impact. You'll find out that most of the time, things go better than you feared. And on the off chance that bad things do happen, it's almost always reversible to a large degree.

4) Let the chips fall where they may. Be your weird, wonderful, worthy self. If other people don't like it, you have some reason to reflect on that, but you have no reason to destroy what makes you you. I regret the times I caved to others to please them. I don't regret the times I stood up for myself, for my values and my beliefs.