"Dennis, why isn't this thing working? "What isn't working Denise?" "This machine, the coffee machine. I put the grounds in and nothing comes out." Denise had been drinking a pot of coffee a day for the past 4 years after reading an article on reallyrealnews.com tauting that America's financial prowess in the world was the result of their massive coffee intake. As a Canadian nationalist it wore at her ceaselessly that Canada was referred to "America's hat" as opposed to American being "Canada's underwear." "Is it plugged in?" "Yes." "Did you turn it on? "....yes Dennis." "Well, try Danielle in IT," Dennis said as he swiveled in his chair to face his drawing pad. Denise walked to her desk and dialed Danielle in IT. "Danielle the coffee maker doesn't work." "Is it plugged in?" "Yes." "Did you turn it on? "....yes Danielle." With a sigh Danielle responded, "I'll be there in 4 minutes." Danielle arrived in 5 minutes. "You're late," Denise said without removing her gaze from her watch. Danielle stared at Denise until their eyes met and continued glaring for many uncomfortable moments. Danielle left to return to her office without touching the coffee maker.
Denise's only company on the drive home was the voice of Lou Bega listing the women in his life. "No..." thought Denise, "...a little bit of Rita is not all I need. What I need is to have these goddamm Americans off my radio and out of my life." She paused after entering her home to pet her cat Sir John A Macdonald, named after the 1st and 3rd Canadian Prime Minster, then rushed to the basement. Denise was allowed access through the basement door after entering a four-digit PIN, retinal verification, fingerprint verification, a secondary four-digit PIN, hair DNA verification, a secret handshake with a protruding hand, and a third PIN (this one being twelve digits). The light was dim with a slight blue shade. The screens of her monitor were black and hummed "O Canada" quietly. Denise gave a sigh of relief as she felt the energy of her laboratory comfort her.
Denise's plan was ready for execution. In one motion Denise pressed 4 buttons simultaneously. "That'll show them" muttered Denise menacingly. The first button released a plague of carnivorous fleas in Fossil, Oregon. The second added 4 mL of lead into every 500 gallons of water in Naperville, IL. The 3rd button set off a mechanism in Jefferson City, MO that replaced the Missouri flag with a rainbow flag. With the press of the fourth button, the collars of every dog in Brooklyn transformed into a robotic suit that allowed the dogs the capacity to speak English (like in season 1 episode 2 of Rick and Morty). Denise sat back and watched the United States burn. fin