I've realized recently that I've hurt all the people I ever cared about. Been apologizing to some of them lately.

One of those people used to be my best friend. I would like to remind you just how socially brash and inept I was to emphasize the importance of that title. She stood by me through a lot of my worst, but we couldn't handle the growing pressure and parted ways.

She seemed quite receptive of the opportunity to get back together that she herself has presented. I had good memories of our time together, and byonic has advised me to go for it if that's what I wanted, so we started to chat. Rehashed the time between the two points in time for both of us. Talked a bit about her life and job (teacher of foreign languages; we used to study together).

I don't want to be bullshitting myself. It's not going to be perfect. She took some care of me - to the extent of her abilities - back when I didn't know how to do so myself, and I'm grateful for it. The good memories and the promise of her being a sincere person are the only things that make me want to try. If she doesn't respond with the interest that she says she has, there will be nothing left to hold onto, and I will be done with it. I was always the one to initiate things, and I can't stand it when I'm the only one to do it: it just tells me that the other person is not interested enough. That's what sane people who care do, right?