My life's transforming, slowly and carefully. I used to feel cheerful, but I feel like it was a mask for people not to look deeper inside of me. Now, I don't look so joyous, but - I'm content with that: it feels sincere, and that's what I'm aiming at. It's an odd feeling for me for I'm entering uncharted territory of doing fine even with things still undone. Not being driven by guilt feels new to me.
No, it is not. When guilt is so close to you that you start using it as a reason to do things, it's very, very hard to do something else - something better, in this case. I'm afraid I'm not going to be of much help to you, for I don't have much to say - and I suspect I won't, either. My progress is mostly intuitive, hard to put into words. I can show you the islands of wisdom between which I've travelled to get to where I am, but it may be the best I can do. However, I will probably write something about it at some point. I'll keep in mind that I could help a fellow human by describing the mind processes with precise detailing. For now, I'll say this: Stay strong. You got this. Carry on no matter what.It's not as easy as it sounds.