Thanks tng. Your memory of the lives behind each username is inspiring. And I can't wait to hear about your business.

I'm all over the place. Still very hungry to find something more full-time that activates me. Something that I love doing. I'm still depressive.

But I'm playing soccer weekly. I'm coaching one hell of a group of young bucks at my high school in the fine game of lacrosse. I'm exerting astonishing control over not going out and drinking. Not to mention my diet and exercise. I'm saving money (the pittance I make). I'm eliminating distractions from my phone, my surroundings, my life. I'm trying to surround myself with excellent things, even though that's really hard. And I'm also trying to not complain when things seem tough. I'm trying to lean into the pain, to let it wash through and behind me, the litany against fear and all that shit.

Also. My mother had my sister and I when she was kinda young. My father younger. She was 25 and he 20 when I was born. My little sister came two and a half years later. Growing up was tough but my childhood is full of cherished moments, and the bad things that happened to me only wound up making me stronger. My mom has said on occasion that even though it didn't seem feasible at the time, she wishes she had more. I feel that. Take that for what it's worth.