Hey from what you've written here you sound a lot like a friend of mine who is in therapy for similar problems. The Inner critic is a big one and if you don't mind me asking some seemingly off topic questions I might be able to give you some advice of what he's been working on. When you work on your inner critic I imagine you address the criticism that is directed at you but how are you for being critical of others ? You've probably noticed that your criticism directed to yourself is often overblown or completely misplaced and the same can likely be said for criticism we direct to others. Most of us realize we shouldn't be critical to somebodies face but what we don't realize is that when we are talking about that person to someone else we might actually be insulting two people. We don't notice because when we like a person this seemingly huge flaw isn't even on our radar because it really was never huge to begin with. Does that make sense ? My friend would sit there being critical of every person he could and eventually some of those criticisms would apply to me. If you're in this position it might be worthwhile to start asking why you're being so critical of people. Are you looking for flaws and reasons not to get close to people ? Maybe part of you is ready to start making friends but that other part is seeking out reasons not to. My second question is how much would you say pride or ego plays a role in your life ? When we are in relationships in any form we have to trust someone and be vulnerable. This is especially true in romantic relationships however for somebody who is protecting their pride being vulnerable is not easy. I won't ramble to much since this might not even apply to you but if it does this stuff might need to be addressed before you can form proper friendships.
Your words got me thinking a lot because you hit the source of the problem spot-on. This is precisely what it is. Ever since I've thought this through, I had a fun time with people whom I'd usually criticize internally, and it's been a huge difference. Why I criticize them? Because deep down, I'm angry at how imperfect they are; at how imperfect the world is. Those children who grow up to be well-adjusted, healthy and kind adults go through what's called "ego breaking" early on in their lives. It's the process of adjusting the child's expectations of the world by breaking the innate idea that things in their lives have to be perfect or may not exist at all. It's not a violent process but a necessary step in one's mental development; it's why children throw tantrums when they're very young: they're expressing their anger over the imperfection of the world due to them being unallowed something (because this is what anger is - our reaction to an element of our world seeming unfit for what it ideally should be). I didn't go through that, instead being pampered by my parents, and I'm going through it now; though now that my idea of self is far more solid, its breaking is a more tedious and slow process than what children have. I'm telling you this because I've always been seeking improvement through understanding; if your friend is of the same mode of world-learning, they'll find this idea helpful because it gives them a reason, a ground to work on. Thank you for sharing and for inspiring me to think along those lines. It's been very helpful, as it pushes my social process forward tremendously.Are you looking for flaws and reasons not to get close to people ? Maybe part of you is ready to start making friends but that other part is seeking out reasons not to.
I'm happy this was able to help you ! My friend seemingly has the opposite issue in that he grew up around a lot of "bad" people. His issue is that he now assumes that everybody is somehow bad and is unable to form friendships because he is always suspicious of ulterior motives/busy protecting himself. It is funny how sometimes two seemingly opposite paths in life can result in the same issue.